The Top

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Sniper

By Small_Fry_Hero - 21/10/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Halfway through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 159

You deserved it 3 561

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 342

Keep schtum

By confused - 02/09/2010 21:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 673

You deserved it 3 575

Not the one

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 23:00

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 504

By Nice - 01/05/2012 13:58 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 5 046

By nolove4me - 29/06/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 875

You deserved it 3 975

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 02:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 912

You deserved it 4 070

It wasn't me

By Wanted - 19/08/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 110

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 21:07 - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 10 019

No, it's not a cult, not at all

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, I found out that not only does my sister consider Fox News "reliable" but her husband has been buying Trump merchandise. They owe me $1,900 but they're literally giving a millionaire money instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 453

Ironic, isn't it?

By KC. - 25/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 542

You deserved it 8 750

Playing the long game

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 17:01 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 138

By Sad Sally - 24/04/2012 11:22 - United States

Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 717

You deserved it 2 976

By can't eat paper - 11/05/2014 01:34 - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 818

You deserved it 11 415

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 175

Gratitude walks

By Erin - 22/04/2021 23:01 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 267

Time flies

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 2 546

By nobodylovesme - 04/04/2013 06:46 - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 918

You deserved it 4 944

By MilleeMacabre - 02/04/2013 18:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 4 163

MilleeMacabre tells us more.

MilleeMacabre 8

Wednesday 3 April 2013 16:12

Yes. He was drunk. That's my husband for ya.

By amazed - 18/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Frisco

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 395

You deserved it 3 866

BFF for life

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 200

By phoneless - 17/04/2012 19:23 - Jordan

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 189

You deserved it 26 252

By sadgf - 29/03/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching TV. He gets up at one point and turns the light off, so I asked him why. He replied, "You look better in the dark." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 926

You deserved it 6 046

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 156

That's how I roll

By StellaSanguina - 09/10/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 430

You deserved it 6 786

By dumpedattheclub - 28/03/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 001

You deserved it 7 280

By robertsonjimmy - 14/06/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 12 815

By qtpieo1 - 13/08/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 537

You deserved it 9 743

By w00tz - 27/03/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 835

You deserved it 9 337

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The Top

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 739

You deserved it 6 191

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 3 302

Today, I ran into a childhood friend for the first time in years. It turned out her mother died of COVID a few days ago. It was heartbreaking to see her close to tears all the time we talked, but due to distancing I couldn't even hug her to make her feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 166

Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 164

Today, without any warning from my body whatsoever, I had to go to the bathroom at work to puke. I was then fired for being ‘drunk’ at work. I wasn’t drunk, just sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 94

Today, my friends were trying to set me up with one of their other friends. We were texting and I said, “How is your day so far?” He responded with, “Worse.” I said, “Oh no what happened?” You know what he said? “You.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 96