The Top

I'm the OP and it wasn't a huge deal as you all are making it out to be for me. A friend told me I should post it here to see if it got published. I'm not fat, and the only hair I have is what's on my head...If I had known the guys it would have been different, but these were guys that I have never met before. And its easy to not hear what's going on downstairs when the TV is on and the guys are all getting high, so there's no extra voices going on. I don't generally parade around in little to no clothing...but to each their own. Way to make this a way bigger deal than it needs to be people...

How the…?

By Tiana - 30/05/2021 22:01

Today, I helped my best friend step out of the friendzone. As a result, I don't have a boyfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 209

Scooper

By yikes - 02/03/2013 15:32 - United States

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 448

You deserved it 22 772

By akosirm - 25/09/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 357

You deserved it 13 467

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 04:38

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 3 840

Picked

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 621

You deserved it 10 088

Manage this

By fuck this company - 14/06/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 82

By segal1010 - 28/02/2013 00:27 - United States - Potomac

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 4 305

Bad timing

By pizzaface - 05/06/2021 10:59

Today, I learned that the one face cleaner that actually works for me is no longer being made. I just ran out of the last of my supply last night, and I woke up to find my face completely covered in zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 127

By vat - 25/02/2013 08:33 - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 409

You deserved it 3 658

By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 438

You deserved it 5 725

Alas, poor Mickey

By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 14:00

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into it, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 260

It's love

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 173

By dane - 29/06/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 43

By nononame - 10/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 209

You deserved it 4 193

Supportive

By Anonymous - 15/08/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, it's my husband's funeral. My adult children never made it secret that they didn't like him, but I'd hoped they'd come to support me. Their replies when I asked them went from, "You know I hated him", to "No, I have work", to "I'm not going anywhere near that fanatic's church." FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 1 242

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 147

You deserved it 42 037

By sensativenose - 19/09/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 415

You deserved it 9 769

Nostradamus

By Clueless - 14/05/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my 4 year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 628

You deserved it 4 445

By WorstLifeEver - 25/06/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 953

You deserved it 13 401

By lovewedge - 09/03/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 106

You deserved it 23 568

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Public freakouts Music Scary Transportation Trains Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family Awkward I need your advice Love Mental health Coworkers Work Relatable Social Media My ex Kids Scams Friends Weird TV shows First Dates AITA Cops Health Housework Homeowners Technology

The Top

Today, a crow somehow got stuck in my ceiling. It's been making tons of noise for 9 hours now, including crowing very loudly. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have no access to the attic and the property owner doesn't give a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 586

You deserved it 1 145

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 753

You deserved it 4 287

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 926

You deserved it 9 867

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 17 519

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 673

You deserved it 6 151

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 473