The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Gone bird

By Whoops - 06/06/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 4 538

By nonexistant - 02/10/2009 19:32 - Canada

Today, while I was at a business supply store, I decided to get my old paper birth certificate laminated so it wouldn't deteriorate further. The people working decided to wait until after it was done and I had paid to tell me that laminating a birth certificate voids it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 508

You deserved it 9 090

Get into the groove

By Karen with a C - 01/08/2022 02:00

Today, my fiancé and I went on a tourism boat. There was drinks, food, and a Motown cover band. My man famously has no rhythm, but he’s out on the dance floor and all the guests are loving him. I didn’t dance, and everyone was looking at me like the wet blanket holding him back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 1 193

Nailed it

By watch_corn_dance - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 981

You deserved it 3 634

By forever single, I guess - 15/03/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 781

You deserved it 3 441

Bad parenting tips

By Anonymous - 02/08/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 211

High value male

By The Female Kratos - 03/08/2022 22:00

Today, my ex claimed she missed me and asked me to come back, but when I gave her a polite and firm no, she turned nasty and keyed my car. Apparently, what she actually missed was someone mug enough to pay 2/3 of the household bills, while looking after her badly behaved brat whenever she didn't want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 140

Manchild

By beeee - 26/07/2010 04:03 - Australia

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year-old I had to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 12 581

By Anna - 28/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 754

You deserved it 4 670

Living life on low battery mode

By skigal24 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 16 785

By alliobamy - 28/09/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 072

You deserved it 3 100

Ouch

By Roses are Red - 07/03/2013 06:07 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 568

You deserved it 13 364

By V - 23/07/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 18 161

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 17:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 641

You deserved it 3 611

By art_major - 25/05/2011 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 897

You deserved it 7 637

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 456

You deserved it 3 491

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 897

You deserved it 8 370

By Lifes_overated - 23/09/2009 14:10 - Australia

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 071

You deserved it 48 773

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 338

You deserved it 3 710

Scammed

By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 583

The heart wants what it wants

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 268

Pissed off

By lionhead14 - 20/05/2011 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 923

You deserved it 42 628

By SOMAgirl - 06/07/2010 09:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 276

You deserved it 9 105

By learntmylesson - 03/07/2010 04:15 - France

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can't afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 310

You deserved it 3 748

By gracehi - 07/03/2014 20:29 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 558

You deserved it 4 522

gracehi tells us more.

gracehi 31

Saturday 8 March 2014 7:40

Thank you, but I wasn't brave. There's a tall picket fence and some trees obscuring the view of my apartment from the school. I can only see the school parking lot because I'm on the second story. The only reason someone would be able to see me from there would be if they were looking for me. I would have been quite safe, even if there had been any real danger. If there really was some lunatic shooting up the school, at the very least I would have called the cops. I'd like to think I would also grab my gun, head over there, and try to shoot the mother ****** myself, but you never really know what you'll do in a situation like that until it happens.

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 01:47 - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 753

You deserved it 52 653

By deez_nutz - 10/03/2009 12:46 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 603

You deserved it 29 300

By jaivolétonnez - 17/06/2015 05:54 - France - La Courneuve

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 144

Double standards

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 18:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 705

You deserved it 2 689

Clean-freak criminal

By Bryce - 13/06/2021 04:00

Today, some dumbass broke one of my car's windows to steal the pack of disinfecting wipes I just bought a few hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 78

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dad jokes Kids Argument Money Health Neighbours Sleep Mental health Embarrassing Intimacy NSFW Family Alcohol Transportation Miscellaneous Birthday Cute I need your advice Relatable Love Sex Friends My ex Awkward Scary Technology Annoying Work Capitalism Divorce

The Top

The Top

Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 092

You deserved it 2 122

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 600

You deserved it 2 853

Today, a couple came into the gas station where I work to ask for directions. While I was giving the woman directions (and even writing them down to be as helpful as possible), the man stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting on the other end of the counter behind a display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 733

You deserved it 7 754

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 274

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 109

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 112