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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 125

You deserved it 4 414

Flattered

By Creeped out - 28/01/2013 08:14 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 3 716

By shit - 13/05/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 012

You deserved it 13 782

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 265

By 97 - 17/02/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 166

You deserved it 6 209

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 162

You deserved it 3 027

By Anonymous - 24/01/2013 17:52 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 230

You deserved it 6 370

By uhoh901 - 25/03/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 968

You deserved it 52 191

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 328

My body hates me

By How? - 09/10/2022 22:30

Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 13/02/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 3 616

Heavy

By Betty - 17/03/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went in for a doctor's appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 545

You deserved it 9 295

Mirror, mirror

By Zubat - 15/07/2021 22:01

Today, my boss confided that he doesn't like having interns in the workplace, because he finds it insulting that someone who hasn't finished their education can do our jobs. My boss frequently brags about being a high school dropout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 98

By damnthedog - 19/01/2013 07:40 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 326

You deserved it 7 373

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 216

You deserved it 8 905

Surprise!

By ilana - 10/02/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 449

You deserved it 3 350

By killmenow - 19/02/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 352

You deserved it 3 505

No reply

By Alex - 06/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, my mom didn’t answer the phone when I called. My husband promptly said, with a straight face, “Would you answer you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 02:45 - Sri Lanka

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 392

You deserved it 3 367

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 987

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 229

You deserved it 38 359

Breaking news

By helenablitz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 468

You deserved it 5 183

By poohanne - 12/01/2013 06:36 - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 10 263

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 380

You deserved it 3 823

Check this out

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 02:00 - Australia - Buninyong

Today, I received a dick pic from my partner, with whom, although taking a ‘break’, we were apparently ‘working on things’. He forgot to remove the Grindr watermark from his pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 190

Mean Girls

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 448

You deserved it 3 643

By Mrs. Man - 02/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we're a pair of gay men. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 965

You deserved it 7 636

Supportive

By Defeated - 31/07/2021 18:01

Today, I left hospital after suffering a head injury. My neurosurgeon gave my wife a list of potential household changes that needed to be made, otherwise I could have a fatal seizure. We got in the car and she said, "You do realise we aren’t doing a single thing on that bullshit list, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 380

You deserved it 31 480

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 723

You deserved it 3 573

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The Top

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 684

You deserved it 8 363

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 786

You deserved it 2 797

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 11 393

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 780

You deserved it 77 847

Today, it was my birthday. None of my family members wished me a happy birthday and neither did the 1,000+ "friends" I have on Facebook either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 368

Today, I lost my job, neither by quitting or getting fired. I don't know whether to be mad or confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 93