The Top

My skirt was knee-length and flowy (Im am artist and am therefore not required to dress like a square) and yes i was in-between waxings so it wasnt a jungle down there...just...neglected as I said haha And I dont think Im gonna get that job...you shoulda seen her face!

Stay safe

By Molly Lee - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, after going to the ophthalmologist, I got some really cute glasses. When I got home, my dad saw them and told me that when he was in high school, they called girls with those glasses BC. When I asked what BC stood for, he said, "Birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 179

Notice me

By bb. - 29/12/2021 16:59

Today, I spent my entire shift fantasizing about being in a car wreck and getting hospitalized, just so my mother would show me any love whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 221

Great start

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I was rushing to get to work on time and grabbed what I thought was my coffee mug. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized I had grabbed my husband's urinalysis cup. Not quite the morning boost I was expecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 270

By killmenow - 10/09/2012 17:52 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 77 802

By Andrew - 12/10/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 374

You deserved it 13 402

We could be heroes…

By ally - 23/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 188

By kte - 30/12/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 346

You deserved it 2 669

They're probably right

By FML1994 - 14/06/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving into. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 310

You deserved it 4 995

By headache - 04/05/2019 14:00

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 169

Stubborn

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 22:58

Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 292

By INeedaNewJob - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 3 675

By Emily S - 09/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 317

You deserved it 40 435

Messy

By chuchie - 12/06/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 605

You deserved it 6 668

Nearly Spring

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 13:59

Today, I only open my curtains in the morning so my plants won’t die. Me, I leave in the dark and return in the dark. The only time I see the sun in winter is during lunch breaks and weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 416

You deserved it 6 286

By bureaucracy - 29/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 658

You deserved it 474

Run away, fast

By jlong9071 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 033

You deserved it 40 956

By OhBoy - 05/08/2013 19:10 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 131

You deserved it 5 279

In distress

By jdch_99 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 850

You deserved it 1 715

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 16:45 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 889

You deserved it 11 305

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 885

You deserved it 10 808

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Kenton

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 344

By sucks_brah - 25/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 2 519

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 044

You deserved it 5 552

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 827

You deserved it 3 128

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 805

You deserved it 8 079

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 10 822

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 308

You deserved it 35 186

Today, I met my Bumble date. I was so excited because it’s my first date in 6 years. We exchanged hellos and he said he needed to use the restroom. Turns out he left. When I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me, “I agreed to go on a date with the hot girl in the photos, not a contestant from 'My 600lb Life'.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 885