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The bag of rice didn't have any handle, so I held it kinda resting against my torso, just like when holding my cat. I guess it has just become a habit. Loving all the puns :)

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 822

You deserved it 5 331

By fstfckd - 07/06/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 856

You deserved it 15 145

By not_this_shit_again - 09/04/2014 12:37 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 027

You deserved it 3 603

Sob story

By marisacb - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 7 841

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 07:28 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 555

You deserved it 10 226

By ballplaya52 - 08/12/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 388

You deserved it 47 890

ballplaya52 tells us more.

ballplaya52 10

Monday 9 December 2013 14:27

Hey all! OP here. I just a wanted to clear a few things up. I know the wording may have been confusing and given you all the wrong image. When I said that she'd embarrass me by singing in public, I literally meant singing. To me. About me. In public. Loudly. Like not even a real song. But when I read over it when it got published, it sounded to me like people could interpret it like she would sing karaoke or something. Anyways it only lasted a minute or so so it wasn't that bad, but we did get some stares. And for those comments saying to live a little, I don't sing or dance in public as a personal rule because I'm not any good at either. Anyways thanks to the moderators for publishing this and I will see you guys around on this awesome website :)

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 2 583

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 11:43 - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 919

You deserved it 4 914

Run for the hills

By Stung - 03/08/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 187

You deserved it 4 268

Don't do drugs, kids

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 17:43 - United States - Omaha

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 785

You deserved it 22 478

By Confused and Disgusted - 23/02/2015 23:42 - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 324

You deserved it 2 448

Thanks for noticing

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 846

You deserved it 9 645

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 933

You deserved it 51 613

Protip: Don't

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 154

You deserved it 25 171

He's not my real dad

By Moosh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it, then showed it to all my friends at my party, all while we were eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 4 196

By Bozo - 31/08/2012 07:57 - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 667

You deserved it 23 920

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds, then said, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 062

You deserved it 4 910

By Cakeman - 08/11/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "This tastes like shit!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 303

You deserved it 51 839

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 535

You deserved it 3 847

Indoctrinated

By workfordayzz - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 619

You deserved it 9 112

Unsolicited dick texts

By jaderie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 801

You deserved it 4 816

By talkssuck - 30/03/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 501

You deserved it 18 556

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 666

You deserved it 55 898

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 197

You deserved it 4 428

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The Top

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 13 720

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 8 337

Today, I learned that the only reason my girlfriend stayed with me is because I drove us to school every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 949

You deserved it 597

Today, I told my husband we could have a "him" day, visit the comic book and games stores, then watch anime. He refused to believe I was genuine, and asked what bad thing I did that I was trying to make up for. We ended up not doing any of it because he thinks I can’t be nice to him without a motive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 810

Today, a third person in my husband's family made a comment insinuating that our children aren't my husband's. I have never cheated on him, they are 100% his, and look just like him. I'm not sure if they are joking and rude, or serious and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 123

Today, my 8 year-old sister tried vaping. My parents found out and planned on yelling at her, but nothing happened. She even got a reward for being curious. When I was 15 and got my first piercing (in the ear) I kinda got beat, and slept outside for the night. It makes me wonder what's going on sometimes… FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 102