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You guys are great. If I was broken up about this at all, I'd feel much better from a lot of the comments. I'd been flirting with this guy for a while, and this was the coldest he'd ever been to me. He met my friend that very night and wanted to get laid is all. But joke's on him--the friend's engaged! As for the whole maybe my friend told the joke better thing, it's not the kind of joke that needs a bunch of buildup and then a big punchline. It was more of a sarcastic comment-type thing. She didn't tell it any better than I did.

Love is…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for three years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 9 760

By cheesfactor - 19/05/2012 19:50 - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 989

You deserved it 2 380

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 18:01 - Canada - North Bay

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 11:53 - Australia

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 913

You deserved it 36 886

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 479

You deserved it 6 265

Misbehaving

By anonymous - 05/02/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 424

You deserved it 3 235

By HairyLeggedItalian - 24/05/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 774

You deserved it 9 223

Bad day, huh?

By evenpoorer - 16/03/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8-hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I'm now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 036

You deserved it 3 583

Not helping

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 15:50 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 817

You deserved it 2 343

By need sleep - 25/02/2015 16:53 - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 384

You deserved it 2 343

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 4 397

Culture wars

By FrustratedTutor - 21/08/2015 20:00 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that, "Pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 2 839

Good boy

By nicedoggy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 632

You deserved it 4 104

By the next james herriot - 10/09/2013 23:30 - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 574

You deserved it 3 103

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 970

You deserved it 5 745

By freakingout - 04/09/2012 21:55 - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 030

You deserved it 4 648

By the_music_major - 19/10/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 4 087

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Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my boss's words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 1 303

Today, I had to explain to my Creative Writing teacher what an antagonist is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 312

Today, I realized my best friend has turned into a penpal, as we never see each other, and only text about once a month. She was my only friend outside of family, and now I feel crushingly lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 122

Today, I walked in on my roommate mid-wank because I didn’t knock before opening the door. Why was he in my room and using my computer? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 176

Today, I was bounced between four different pharmacies before I could find one that would take my insurance. Apparently, which insurance I had didn't matter as much as to where it came from. Also, one of the pharmacies was on their lunch break. They end their lunch break at 2pm; we came in at 1:58pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 130

Today, I used the public restroom at a park. After washing my hands, I went to dry them, only to realize there were no paper towels. I thought the air dryer would work, but it broke halfway through, leaving me standing there, awkwardly fanning my hands with my arms spread wide. A group of teenagers walked in and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 316