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By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 13 324

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 01:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 599

You deserved it 5 422

Losing it

By emegemerald - 04/07/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to visit my great-grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 806

You deserved it 2 628

By Anonymous - 17/08/2017 21:45 - Romania

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar. I brought my purse, he brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 348

By 7thwardlord - 21/08/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 008

You deserved it 880

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 8 174

Unmutilated dick

By badnewsbears - 21/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out, "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes; she responded with, "Wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 143

You deserved it 4 439

By missingno007 - 28/08/2017 13:00 - United States - Clarkesville

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 369

By tikizombie - 31/08/2010 00:04 - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 687

You deserved it 50 404

The knack

By BrillianceSucks - 05/04/2013 00:10 - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 275

You deserved it 12 484

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 154

Get your vaccinations if you can

By Jules - 25/04/2021 00:30

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 14:46 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me, "Have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "You mean with other people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 71 751

By Sleeeeeep - 19/08/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 317

You deserved it 14 782

The gift of insecurity

By where’d she learn it? - 21/10/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 1 757

Flowers (Nothing But)

By ThisIsMyLife - 15/09/2019 12:00

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 276

Thanks, Stephen King

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 00:02 - United States - Buford

Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 8 020

By Rajin - 23/03/2009 20:38 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 875

You deserved it 16 871

By anonymous - 05/04/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 670

You deserved it 28 925

I am what I am

By MimiFufu - 22/09/2019 16:00

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 1 086

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 080

You deserved it 4 187

By Worker - 20/10/2017 19:12 - Australia - Forrestfield

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 343

You deserved it 858

Glazed over

By lulupie - 08/08/2016 09:10

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 105

You deserved it 1 160

Fight!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 06:00

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 523

You deserved it 215

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 857

You deserved it 53 798

Unpleasant, but clean

By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 1 472

By garrett - 14/02/2019 15:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 500

You deserved it 4 797

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 08:35

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 759

You deserved it 10 367

By MochiMomoChan - 17/09/2009 09:32 - United States

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 893

You deserved it 9 395

Trainwreck

By Done me over but good - 16/06/2021 16:01

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 2 004

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The Top

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 736

You deserved it 3 297

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 16 313

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 458

You deserved it 23 305

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend bought me a sword from a TV show called Game of Thrones. He seemed disappointed at my reaction, since he spent so much money on the limited edition version. I've never watched the show, and I also have never had any interest in swords, so I don't know what he was thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 148

Today, after being unable to convince my crush her boyfriend is cheating on her, I showed her footage of him kissing another woman. Turns out, not only is he not cheating, but she and him are in a polyamorous relationship with that woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 763

Today, my wife walked into the bedroom in a vest top, a mini skirt, tights, and fuck-me heels. I thought I was gonna get some for the first time in months, until she came out with the dreaded statement, “I’m off out with the girls, can you stay awake? I might need a ride home later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 124