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Relax

By lyssthemiss - 22/09/2015 10:51 - United States - Joliet

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 2 332

Valid reason?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 256

By myrkes - 10/09/2015 11:09 - Switzerland - Marstetten

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 183

You deserved it 3 050

Close to you

By Angel - 25/10/2016 20:54

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 927

You deserved it 2 734

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 442

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 06:33 - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 79 955

By myanmarkaviar - 27/08/2015 16:34 - Norway - Fl?

Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 892

You deserved it 2 207

By Oops - 13/09/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 013

You deserved it 861

Do Not Pass Go

By Rex - 16/09/2017 23:15 - United States - Camden

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 352

By anon - 03/09/2017 21:45 - Belgium - Aarschot

Today, after an exhausting renovation, we finally took some time to cook a nice dinner. We got to relax for a full hour before our downstairs neighbour informed us that any water we use leaks through her ceiling. Four experts came. No one can find the leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 371

You deserved it 236

By mista hunna - 08/09/2016 05:31 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 503

You deserved it 1 585

Waste

By JellyBite - 01/09/2019 06:00 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 267

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 683

You deserved it 16 465

By anon... - 26/08/2016 04:10 - United States - Washington

Spicy

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 507

You deserved it 1 074

Thanks for nothing

By Downinthedumps - 14/08/2016 22:44 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 1 134

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 12:40 - Canada - Toronto

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 904

You deserved it 1 552

By Jack - 09/08/2016 00:23 - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 000

You deserved it 1 364

Secret Weeb

By chickennbenchpress - 31/05/2011 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in, in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It's the Pokémon theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 076

You deserved it 81 635

By so embarrassing - 02/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Renton

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 627

You deserved it 1 537

By naesha - 17/03/2014 01:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 742

You deserved it 3 935

naesha tells us more.

naesha 13

Monday 17 March 2014 14:45

hey guys. Thanks for the positive comments. I guess she dididn't didn't realize I was his wife. Ib had twin a month ago and I brought them to the office. Here is when she sit down and decided to play with the boys. She went on to tell me about the affair & that shit is expecting. as for what I done I got up and left. I'm currently packing as I type.

By emayc - 22/11/2017 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from an overnight trip to find my room a complete mess. My coked up housemate had invited strangers to stay over when they told her they didn't have place to sleep. They stole my money, speakers, Polaroid camera, and passport. They left a packet of biscuits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 691

You deserved it 398

It's the new thing!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 06:02

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 1 046

Revenge!

By princess98 - 18/11/2019 05:00

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 819

Winner

By Anonymous - 09/01/2020 18:00

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 1 035

By UnboundA - 07/06/2016 16:27 - United States - Ruckersville

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 1 026

Last Christmas

By Syd - 21/12/2012 16:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 18 575

By Alex - 08/05/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 721

You deserved it 926

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 024

You deserved it 8 365

Better call Saul

By possibly a sweater - 05/12/2013 22:26 - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 580

You deserved it 24 545

By ELK - 18/07/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 392

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The Top

The Top

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 3 404

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 949

You deserved it 5 621

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 52

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 98

Today, I was desperate for the toilet when I got stopped by our CEO for a chat about a project I made a ton of profit on. I was so close to disaster that when she pulled me in for a hug I wasn’t expecting, it happened. Diarrhoea down my legs and shoes. I practically made the CEO vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 238

Today, my longtime crush, who lives in Texas, got into a relationship. He turned me down when I'd confessed my feelings for him because he “doesn’t do long distance.” The girl he’s with lives in the same city as me. We both live in Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 148