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By poopybed - 01/04/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 712

You deserved it 6 943

Creeped out

By gymgirl - 17/12/2013 23:48 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 414

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 06/02/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom screams like a dying monkey while having sex. Even with my music turned up all the way, I can still hear her through our paper thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 123

You deserved it 3 533

By ryansmithho - 24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 828

You deserved it 14 929

Damn, son

By Bob - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 767

You deserved it 3 758

By jsquared - 05/11/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 704

You deserved it 3 133

By justmyluck - 26/08/2011 05:28 - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 474

You deserved it 10 024

Big Grandma

By fmylifechelsea - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that there's a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 331

You deserved it 19 818

By unknown002 - 12/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 239

You deserved it 18 686

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 3 631

By fucking fratricidal - 13/10/2012 22:25 - Canada - Bedford

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 518

You deserved it 1 965

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 3 892

By welp, time to become an assassin - 23/06/2013 18:14 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 384

You deserved it 4 687

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 14:51 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 166

You deserved it 4 079

By lauren555 - 27/03/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 954

You deserved it 18 342

By SierraDiaz2097 - 23/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 647

You deserved it 9 668

Wise words

By julia - 11/06/2011 11:12 - United States

Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 107

You deserved it 7 824

By SexyPlayer9 - 24/07/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 511

You deserved it 66 349

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 6 875

By Richard - 06/02/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 363

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 19:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 546

You deserved it 2 798

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 092

You deserved it 6 178

By 1D-107 - 31/07/2012 17:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 598

You deserved it 2 484

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 908

You deserved it 4 945

Smothered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 906

You deserved it 8 123

By healthfreak - 07/09/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 663

You deserved it 4 221

By SadFoxLady - 10/06/2013 18:01 - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 787

You deserved it 55 715

PROOF!

By Busted - 16/03/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 4 682

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - 05/01/2013 00:33 - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 825

You deserved it 2 760

A blessing and a curse

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees". For some reason, everybody pronounces it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 5 893

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The Top

Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 558

You deserved it 4 507

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 905

You deserved it 7 169

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 781

You deserved it 117 765

Today, my son had a fever and bad cough all night. Turns out he has RSV. My friend's baby, whose birthday party we went to a few days ago, also has RSV, and had been sick all week. She knew this and still went through with the party, without informing any of us parents. Now my baby is on breathing treatments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 148

Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 149

Today, the DMV told me I had to pay a $39 "renewal" fee for a mistake they made. After over an hour of waiting, they printed a license without a Real ID star like my previous one. Then they tried to blame me for not asking for one. I didn't have time to resolve this two weeks ago, and now Pennsylvania says it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 108