The Top

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By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 339

You deserved it 4 489

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 472

You deserved it 4 486

By btchzloveit - 29/09/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 283

You deserved it 2 422

By loser - 31/07/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 2 530

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 792

You deserved it 3 292

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 253

You deserved it 8 852

By anonymous - 12/10/2010 03:06 - France

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 3 089

By wat_dafuq_bro - 06/05/2013 06:06

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 515

You deserved it 11 388

I hate this job

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 909

You deserved it 8 570

By effedfosh - 07/04/2009 04:53 - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 630

You deserved it 8 837

By lizzie1833 - 17/03/2012 14:16 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off, I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now… I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 834

You deserved it 5 557

By sonnyrosa - 09/02/2013 12:39 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 799

You deserved it 2 626

sonnyrosa tells us more.

sonnyrosa 32

Saturday 9 February 2013 18:20

I'm sure there are labor laws that are supposed to prevent stuff like this, but when the roads are closed, and no one can get in (even the buses have stopped running, and a lot of people reply on those to get to work), there's nothing that can be done. I'm stuck here, but I'm getting paid for it... hopefully, this snow crap stops before tomorrow morning, otherwise, I'll be stuck again. It's still coming down like mad :S

By xo_lezz - 01/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 046

You deserved it 16 714

By leonuniz - 19/04/2015 16:34 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 555

You deserved it 5 130

By JCruz411 - 21/01/2010 13:10 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 056

You deserved it 32 840

Drunken mess

By bethany - 03/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 724

You deserved it 3 579

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 501

You deserved it 79 905

By Anonymous - 16/09/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 724

You deserved it 3 991

Judge Judy

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: + 1. About an hour later, I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: - 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 2 941

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 719

You deserved it 6 831

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - 09/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 593

You deserved it 39 578

Is it a plane ?

By Decker - 14/02/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with the hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we got out of my car, she started sprinting to get out of the rain. I ran to catch up and slipped on a metal plate, and did a reverse Superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 087

You deserved it 5 577

By seriously? - 07/09/2011 17:37 - United States

Today, after falling on my way out the door, hitting a bird with my car, and sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, I remembered I had the day off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 206

You deserved it 13 748

LittlexSparrow tells us more.

LittlexSparrow 0

Friday 9 September 2011 4:29

Did it say the bird died? Lol

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 921

You deserved it 4 440

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 07:18 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 607

You deserved it 3 065

By notalovestory - 11/11/2012 22:48 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 111

You deserved it 11 673

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 785

You deserved it 53 730

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 15:31 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 839

You deserved it 2 115

Snacc

By -- - 04/09/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 655

You deserved it 3 068

Fictional main character

By Sadface - 06/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 967

You deserved it 14 066

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The Top

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 21 040

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 508

You deserved it 3 829

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 413

You deserved it 2 623

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 480

You deserved it 6 934

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 095

You deserved it 6 911

Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 91