Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: What have you been up to? - FML

What have you been up to?

By I'm innocent I swear - 02/09/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 587

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Same thing different taste

By noneedtostress - 17/03/2012 15:52 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 901

You deserved it 10 486

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 822

You deserved it 6 561

By loving wife - 21/04/2013 10:20 - Australia - Sydney

Spicy

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 389

You deserved it 7 633

Panic!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 784

You deserved it 12 436

By Anonymous - 29/06/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 030

You deserved it 7 384

Wild allegation

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 421

You deserved it 7 357

Noob

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 17:08 - Denmark - Randers

Spicy

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 917

You deserved it 6 060

Dick

By Olivia23 - 08/07/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, my husband threw an epic temper tantrum because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I recently suffered from a miscarriage and the thought of anything going on down there makes me uncomfortable. He eventually calmed down and said, "Fine, just don’t be surprised if I end up cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 257

By Andrew - 20/04/2011 16:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 430

You deserved it 11 758

This is ain't it, son

By I can never win - 13/07/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 940

Next

Top comments

Charlie Given 26

Wednesday 3 September 2025 17:10

Well don't be surprised when he divorces you or leaves for somebody else!

poopface82 23

Wednesday 3 September 2025 17:34

So when is the Baby Jesus due?

Comments

core01 30

Wednesday 3 September 2025 4:34

Men don't understand how much the fear of pregnancy permeates everything we do and think.

Charlie Given 26

Wednesday 3 September 2025 17:10

Well don't be surprised when he divorces you or leaves for somebody else!

poopface82 23

Wednesday 3 September 2025 17:34

So when is the Baby Jesus due?

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The Top

Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 680

You deserved it 36 030

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 594

You deserved it 5 417

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 587

You deserved it 1 102

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 071

You deserved it 11 713

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 5 779

Today, I met my ex, who told me he had something very important to tell me. I thought he was about to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant (a fact I already knew). He told me that he still loves me and he'd never stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 138