Intimacy: Turned off

Turned off

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 038

You deserved it 12 738

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 910

You deserved it 4 691

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 257

You deserved it 2 211

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 471

You deserved it 35 623

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 17 929

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 554

You deserved it 11 524

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 134

You deserved it 1 178

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 561

You deserved it 6 881

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 929

You deserved it 8 669

Ahem

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 78 368

genius_man16 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.

DirtyParkBench 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?

Comments

Qup 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:40

he's an assbomb.

callargh 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:44

Repeat after me, kids: DTMFA!

jodie2point0 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:49

BWC1234 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:54

mayve shes really ugly

dezzr 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:57

i think you said it wrong. you gotta be like "picture me naked, choking on your huge dong"

person1000003 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:06

He sux...

greatnt249 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:07

OP, ever stop to think that you just suck at talking dirty instead of jumping to the conclusion that he thinks you're unattractive?

xmayan543x 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:09

lol he is an idiot like rly how can he talk about being horny and next u ask wat u said and he was like u ruin the moment LIKE WTF HE SHOULD GET HARDER THEN HORNYER or HORNIEST LMFAO HAHA ~im stupid :)~ btw he is an idiot like who would say that to his gf ~.~

YLS 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:39

Yeah, I think it's the fact that you don't know how to talk dirty. At all. Good job, it's not hard, but you cocked it up. "I want to **** you so hard~" "I want you to picture me naked! :D"

Rota 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 21:04

See? Total boner kill. Thanks a lot captain Buzz Killington.

snzizle 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:44

fyourlife33: you are probably the biggest asshole i've ever encountered online. of course, studies show it's much easier to be a horrible person when ur hiding behind ur computer screen. go get a life