Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 446

You deserved it 4 169

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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 10 479

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 875

You deserved it 4 633

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 363

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 139

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 487

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 2 635

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 239

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 239

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 992

You deserved it 635

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

tothevictor 0

Thursday 13 January 2011 11:30

dude tough luck... I'd cremate the cat and have a podium for him in your house!

akaashR 0

Thursday 13 January 2011 12:56

EPIC WIN. THAT CAT NEEDS RECOGNITION.

candycanebrain 0

Friday 14 January 2011 9:16

this is seriously ****** up, I'm sorry man!!

Dibman 3

Friday 14 January 2011 9:17

That cat rules! Theres the intruder, kill balls now!! lol. Shame he/she has to be put down though. Your wife should pay for everything as she was the idiot who cheated on you with him. If he takes you to court, your defence should be that the cat was defending its territory and he was trespassing lol.

sims715 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 5:32

NO DONT KILL YOUR CAT!!!! He was trying to help you ;( the cat doesn't deserve it! go to court or something!

cheycheyy1031 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 17:54

haha duuddee. dont kill the cat.! divorce the hoe. problem solved.

12inchRooster 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 19:16

Dude, your stupid if you pay to fix the balls that was SLAPPING your wife's ass the night before.

radek1994 0

Sunday 16 January 2011 3:52

Sucks for him but im sure the court is making him pay and the court is making him put his cat down since it attacked someone.

SativaVerte 0

Monday 17 January 2011 5:24

don't kill your cat

Emperorerror 8

Monday 17 January 2011 7:02

Do this: Ditch the hoe, **** paying for the guys balls and tell court he was having sex with your wife, and dont kill your cat and be like wtf noob it was defense.