Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 447

You deserved it 4 169

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 10 479

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 875

You deserved it 4 633

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 363

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 139

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 487

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 2 635

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 239

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 239

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 992

You deserved it 635

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

Lull_lyre 0

Thursday 7 April 2011 6:11

divorce the wife, and make her pay the medical bills

geminiTwin4 3

Sunday 10 April 2011 0:12

awwwww poor kitty :'( he was just defending you

Witchcraft_fml 4

Monday 11 April 2011 8:59

Save the cat and have your wife and friend euthanized instead.

JMilla_13 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:18

that cat is a champ!!!

2g 0

Friday 15 April 2011 22:46

**** all thatt devorce the wife save the cat an make him pay his own damn med bill he was ******* your wife

meegsiiee 5

Friday 29 April 2011 11:56

Why should you have to pay? It wouldnt of happened if he didnt have an affair with his friends wife. Serves him right!

izzabella43 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 23:21

NOOOO! Poor kitty :'(

Randomgurl27Q 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 4:10

Tell the wife to pay for everything. Divorce her. When the state tried to take the cat you might have to give in, although if the cat attacked the guy you can say he might have abused it. I hope they at least put the poor kitty down peacfully, and not in a gas chamber. Tell the guy ha you deserved it, and sue him for the vet bills.