Miscellaneous, Death and Awkward: "The report of my death was an exaggeration" - FML

"The report of my death was an exaggeration"

By Luke Mackay - 03/05/2026 08:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my local pub for a drink. There was a giant sign that read, “Welcome to Luke’s celebration of life.” My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 89

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 10:51 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 339

You deserved it 1 908

By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 731

You deserved it 13 923

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring them to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 584

You deserved it 2 934

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 3 382

Social situations make me nervous

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 12:00

Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 260

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, I went to the pub to have a drink and feel better. I had a chat with an old drunk Irishman and he told me that he reads people and he is very certain that I’m a sad person. I am indeed a sad person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 07/09/2015 15:49 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 600

You deserved it 25 713

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 12:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 463

You deserved it 4 573

My 21st birthday

By Anonymous - 10/01/2020 14:00

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 272

You deserved it 543

Regular boozehound

By Matchtopia - 18/01/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 273

You deserved it 30 254

Next

Top comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Sunday 3 May 2026 2:36

I guess you need to find another pub to go to.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 3 May 2026 23:48

"You know that guy who just wanted to get a drink but saw a foreshadowing of his own death? Well... that's me. I'm just trying to be a living person. My Name Is Luke."

Comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Sunday 3 May 2026 2:36

I guess you need to find another pub to go to.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 3 May 2026 23:48

"You know that guy who just wanted to get a drink but saw a foreshadowing of his own death? Well... that's me. I'm just trying to be a living person. My Name Is Luke."

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Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 492

You deserved it 3 221

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 445

You deserved it 9 923

Excuse me, coming through!

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 98

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a Segway. He still got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 032

You deserved it 9 280

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 2 936

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 434

You deserved it 6 546