Drunk, ACAB and Cops: Out of it

Out of it

By Anonymous - 18/09/2025 22:00

Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 304

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 01:10 - United States

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 2 588

By Ben - 01/03/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 038

You deserved it 17 404

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 016

You deserved it 24 015

Not drunk, just sad

By literally for crying out loud! - 06/08/2023 14:00

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 248

By Ladyfarquard - 21/07/2019 04:03

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 566

By Jesse - 01/08/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 282

You deserved it 5 435

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 352

You deserved it 15 626

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 261

You deserved it 4 726

Saturday night fever

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 08:09

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 177

By Gg - 23/07/2009 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 004

You deserved it 4 140

TomeDr 24

Friday 19 September 2025 12:21

You don’t have to be driving to be arrested for being drunk in public.

tiptoppc 19

Friday 19 September 2025 14:36

I just do the ZYX’s (which I know) to blow their minds

Comments

TomeDr 24

Friday 19 September 2025 12:21

You don’t have to be driving to be arrested for being drunk in public.

IceTrees 15

Friday 19 September 2025 12:22

sounds like what a p*d0philic big bird would say. :| I would've put you in jail as well

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 21 September 2025 1:58

The hell are you on about?

tiptoppc 19

Friday 19 September 2025 14:36

I just do the ZYX’s (which I know) to blow their minds

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 21 September 2025 1:59

OP... that's pathetic.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to get his point across, one of my students pulled out a gun and put it on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 124

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 3 268

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick." He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 907

You deserved it 3 201

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 3 930

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 118

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 417

You deserved it 32 307

Out of it

Same thing different taste

Not drunk, just sad

Saturday night fever

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