Sex, Injury and Intimacy: Ouch - FML

Ouch

By anon - 14/04/2015 00:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 3 797

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Same thing different taste

Prank off

By I may also need a Tetanus shot - 08/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 80

Danger zone

By Agony! Agony! Agony! - 03/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 138

By Dontwaketheneighbors - 06/12/2012 14:24 - United States - Santee

Spicy

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 775

You deserved it 4 590

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 27 612

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 31 843

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 534

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 848

You deserved it 612

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 489

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 428

You deserved it 1 776

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 62 158

Next

Top comments

Lct1196 31

Tuesday 14 April 2015 14:53

For the love of God, never 69.

Zelphoric 25

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:11

**** bitches, get stitches.

Comments

jk_waks23 19

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:19

I know I am getting negative likes for this but this is hilarious! :D

flexseal 14

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:27

lucky you

Cape9093 10

Wednesday 15 April 2015 3:16

amen brutha

ohSNAPyall 26

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:42

She sounds like a latcher!

writerchic85 25

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:45

Is your girlfriend a werewolf?

redneckpunk 14

Tuesday 14 April 2015 16:27

I know how you feel... my girlfriend always leaves bruises on me...

ashieme2009 12

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:15

Unless she has caused you to obtain stiches, then you don't know how they feel.

imkool136 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 18:11

Um. Are you sure you're not in an abusive relationship or is it just when being intimate?

ThuNDeY 23

Tuesday 14 April 2015 16:37

Now you're both vampires.

seriouslygrowup 11

Tuesday 14 April 2015 16:39

Awesome... maybe bite her back too. When my kids started biting I just bit back and it taught them it wasn't nice to do that to other people

pbrd 7

Tuesday 14 April 2015 19:37

When I was little I bit everyone my mom tried everything to get me to stop eventually she just bit me back and she said that got me to stop. Little does she know I still like to bite I don't know why I do it and I can't seem to break this bad habit.

nitrog100 21

Tuesday 14 April 2015 16:47

You lucky duck...

trey600rr 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:02

that is really hot!

otecasacid 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:07

Your skin must either be thin or stretchy lol

ohSNAPyall 26

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:26

Now, it's broken.

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I agree, your life sucks 18 528

You deserved it 45 757

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I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 155

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I agree, your life sucks 2 718

You deserved it 266

Today, I received a letter informing me that my husband is considered fit to work and will be receiving reduced benefits. He was rushed to hospital yesterday and has a tube in his throat temporarily breathing for him. I’m sure a nice desk job will suit him just fine then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 97