Sex, Boredom and Intimacy: Not into it

Not into it

By JD. - 08/10/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 4 091

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Same thing different taste

Brighten up

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 09:00

Today, my wife decided to paint our dreary blue living room all white to brighten the place up. It does look brighter, I just don’t know why she used brilliant white gloss. The walls are shiny as fuck and reflect the light in your eyes everywhere you sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 74

By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 399

You deserved it 3 019

Bored

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 14:00

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 519

Choose your moments

By Anonymous - 15/05/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend stopped in the middle of sex because she had sudden inspiration about what colour to repaint our bedroom, and wanted to find the colour name online before she forgot it. By the time she was done, I’d gone soft and grumpy, and she got mad I didn’t want to finish having sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 177

By fuuu. - 19/03/2012 12:39 - Hong Kong

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 268

You deserved it 2 579

By NotSoAnon - 13/08/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 376

You deserved it 5 061

By Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 741

You deserved it 10 811

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 343

You deserved it 8 370

Vibe check

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 834

You deserved it 17 673

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 267

You deserved it 6 568

febag 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 16:52

cum on the ceiling, it is gonna turn white

Foster_33 4

Friday 4 June 2010 15:32

#15 you took that one too far

Comments

picturetaker 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 21:30

this is fake. i've told this joke to my friends many times.

Crunchy08 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 23:50

lol thats funny

lwt2009 0

Friday 9 October 2009 0:08

stop making it boring

railfan_fml 0

Friday 9 October 2009 0:52

lol @ febag

FlaminYawn 0

Friday 9 October 2009 1:24

Next time **** her til she wants to paint the bed red.

Foster_33 4

Friday 4 June 2010 15:32

#15 you took that one too far

sadiesykes 0

Friday 9 October 2009 3:15

HAHA ohh you're that boring?

Ninjaface 0

Friday 9 October 2009 8:18

Tell her that that's your job.

invisiblerabbit 0

Friday 9 October 2009 9:57

that's what you get for "making love" to her. whatever happened to the old fashioned "boning my wife" or "stuffing the sausage"

yardie 0

Friday 9 October 2009 16:35

dick sometimes give useful insights...

possesed0ne 0

Saturday 10 October 2009 16:22

fake...this is a joke from Chris rock. you fail.

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The Top

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 025

You deserved it 13 483

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 090

You deserved it 15 559

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 8 578

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 784

You deserved it 14 099

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 2 653

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 380

You deserved it 3 234