Intimacy and Sex: Not a biology major - FML

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 287

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Same thing different taste

The scientific method

By really - 21/06/2012 05:30 - United States - Bonney Lake

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 4 843

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 06:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 084

You deserved it 6 382

Equality

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 07:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 253

You deserved it 6 367

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 182

You deserved it 6 978

Try microplastics!

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 507

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 247

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 26/08/2015 07:45 - India - Kolkata

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 3 516

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 11:26 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 126

You deserved it 3 502

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 458

You deserved it 4 859

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 119

You deserved it 5 804

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 27 October 2019 6:12

What a moron! The alimentary canal is not connected to the reproductive system. If he wants his **** to sparkle, he has to inject glitter directly into his testicles...like I do.

BorderCount 5

Sunday 27 October 2019 13:39

Dump him. You're too good for him. There's no coming back from something that stupid.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 27 October 2019 6:12

What a moron! The alimentary canal is not connected to the reproductive system. If he wants his **** to sparkle, he has to inject glitter directly into his testicles...like I do.

BorderCount 5

Sunday 27 October 2019 13:39

Dump him. You're too good for him. There's no coming back from something that stupid.

WaywardSaint 4

Sunday 27 October 2019 18:42

Just curious, did he tell you or did you see glitter on him? If the latter I'd ask what the stripper's name was.

E2dav 5

Monday 28 October 2019 1:38

Oh wow....what a dummy. How does he get through life??

kujiens101 24

Monday 28 October 2019 5:52

The man is a visionary

fjvitt 14

Monday 28 October 2019 18:53

Like that joke—why are jelly beans better than men??? They come in different colors...

jfigley 5

Monday 28 October 2019 23:08

I am sorry, but that's f*cking hilarious!!! He's an idiot, but that's pretty funny mate....

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The Top

The Top

Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 269

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 399

You deserved it 3 642

Today, I got some lumber delivered to site and that shit was so bent and warped I could've cut it into foot long pieces and sold them as boomerangs. My boss is breathing down my neck about finishing on time to a high standard of work, yet he keeps buying subpar materials on the cheap. Tosser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 53

Today, my package with two brand new toys got delivered to the wrong apartment. Somewhere in this apartment complex, a stranger is either judging me or having the best day of their life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 101

Today, I woke up and realized I was soaked. The night before, I'd felt cramps so I was convinced it was my period… until I realized that my cat had marked his territory on me. All my sheets and blankets had to be removed. Yup, soaked right through! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 218

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 350