Intimacy Liquored up - FML

Liquored up

OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

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Cash me?

Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

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Casual perv

Anonymous - 31/03/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me, "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

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Boozehound

Anonymous - - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

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fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

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I'm not paid enough for this shit

Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

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No beer for you

PerfectVision - - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

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useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

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Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

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Receipe ideas

Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

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unluckiestperson_fml 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:01

"Whiskey dick." Some images you just can't erase from your mind

Youtube00 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

Whiskey dicks, always better than "Rum"-ginas

starwind3438 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:35

I meant 7 was right the first time.

HelloNoora1 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:41

14 was kidding, to the one above me. He knew that 7(?) meant to say that but made a joke

otb113 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:46

a simple reply of "welcome to the Liquor 8, you can go **** yourself. If you can even get up." would suffice

CryMoreFMLs 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:03

Kay is my FML God, Boners is my FML saviour. Nothing blasphemous about that scentence.

portcaveman 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:19

he sounds like he's a tool

megerz1113 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:27

Wow

megerz1113 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:30

Weird

paulinaluvsu 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:30

I deal with that shit to. I work at a liquor store myself. Sorry that happened to you

Thabb 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:42

iAmScrubs is the best commenter though.

Glitterhinoceros 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:27

Umm, I have a lady-crush on Katrinakitten sometimes.

ecoffman 2

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:27

-29 you spelled 'Nazi' wrong

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

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Today, three days after receiving the vaccine, I was finally able to lift weights again. At the beginning of the workout, I broke my finger. Lifting weights is the one thing that keeps me from being depressed. FML

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Today, I tried to explain to my professor why I’d missed two classes. Even with a doctor’s note explaining my very serious health issues, she rolled her eyes and huffed, "Maybe if you’re ‘oh so sick,’ you should just drop out!” Gee, sorry for trying to improve my life through adversity. FML

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Today, my grandma, who was placed in a hospice a few months ago, started to decline in health and passed away, The day before she died I thought my girlfriend was so sweet because she took a leading role in her care, just to find out she didn’t care about her at all. It was just an act to steal her pain medication. FML

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Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

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Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

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