Alcohol, Drunk and Health: Back on the wagon

Back on the wagon

By photomark - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

agreeclassic 10 608

vote type 1 37 544

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By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

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By quarterback - 23/01/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

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By qx5 - 08/01/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

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By ripped - 11/04/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML

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By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

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By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

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By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

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Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

agreeclassic 917

vote type 1 386

MrSchneebly 5

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:03

Kepp checking your poop you could be rich by next month

davidisbeast 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:07

At least you got the quarter back :D that's a whole TWENTY FIVE cents !

Comments

thefuckinloser 6

Wednesday 14 December 2011 10:25

yes keep up the good drunken tricks maybe just maybe you will ******* choke then the md can put it out of your throat . hey try a silver dollar next time or even a fifty cent piece

googlewtf 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 10:44

The wanted some gum?

SpruceDread4578 13

Wednesday 14 December 2011 13:35

Where is Docbastard when you need him?!

admhll 2

Wednesday 14 December 2011 13:56

I don't think that's what they mean when people say they are making a change in their diet.

Nhk_fml 4

Wednesday 14 December 2011 14:14

Who the **** doesn't do stupid shit when they are drunk..... Me I called pizza hut and ordered 2000 large pizzas on my credit card

konstantinos616 17

Thursday 15 December 2011 0:37

Om nom nom...

ImfromCanada 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 1:09

So f***ckingfake

False_Stupidity 41

Thursday 15 December 2011 4:29

Man, you really need to CHANGE your diet...

reldnahceus 8

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:38

Lol- fail!

Nattyxxoo 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:15

talk about money coming out your ass.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

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vote type 1 683

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Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

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Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

agreeclassic 813

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Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

agreeclassic 1 397

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Today, I was dismissed because of my company's strict "no drugs" policy. Yesterday, I had a talk with my team leader and confessed that I have to take antidepressants; this arse then reported it to the management, and they fired me because they are not aware of what these pills contain, and it could affect my performance. FML

agreeclassic 833

vote type 1 152

Back on the wagon

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