Nearly FMLs

By mr. lame - 19/05/2016 17:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, after finally getting a girlfriend for the first time ever, I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 43

By eyebrowss - 19/05/2016 16:56 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, I found out that at the age of 21, i need a hip replacement due to servere arthritis. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 30

By InsipidPotatoes - 19/05/2016 16:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I wonder why my kitten did not respond to her name, which is Alice. She does respond to vagina though. Thanks sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 17

By redfire - 19/05/2016 16:48 - United States - Holyoke

Today, I got a fire ant in my eye, now it is swollen shut and I have to take my drivers test in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 17

By ShitSituation - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend and I have been feeding our dog some of those pig ear dog treats. Well I guess the dog must have a sensitive stomach, because I woke up at 2 am to a terrible stench, and a shit covered carpet. Guess who was up till 4 am cleaning it up? It's gonna be a long, tired day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 19

By crazy - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - Houston

Today, I was mugged, by my step-dad, in my own home. My mom refuses to believe it and wants me to go live with my dad because I'm trying to "tear her marriage apart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 20

By wow - 19/05/2016 16:45 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me with my brother, when I confronted her she tried to make an excuse by saying "I thought it was you". I have blonde hair, he has dark black hair.

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 15

By pestcontrol - 19/05/2016 16:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I had gotten a call to go treat an apartment unit that was infested with bed bugs. The person who requested it left their alarm on so upon entry I set it off. I got written up and later found out I brought bed bugs home. They fired me for missing work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 11

By Loveroflife93 - 19/05/2016 16:37 - United States - Henderson

Today, I realized that for the next two years, I'm stuck living with a roommate that insults my friends, family, and calls me fat everyday..fml

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 13

By Almost-there - 19/05/2016 16:36 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm pregnant. Despite severe nausea, and constant dizzy spells, my university won't consider this extenuating circumstances. I threw up in the library, and failed to submit my last coursework on time. I ALMOST graduated with a 4.0 GPA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 17

By flossydot - 19/05/2016 16:26 - Australia - Kew

Today, my ex boyfriend messaged me saying he loves me. This is the third number I've had to block because he keeps getting new ones to message and ring me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 15

By thatnewgirl - 19/05/2016 16:17 - United States

Today, it's been a few days sense I got my tongue pierced. I woke up this morning thinking my boyfriend was done laughing at me from my speech only to talk this morning and him laughing at me because now I sound Brittish.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 23

By me - 19/05/2016 15:52 - United States - Huntington

Today, my mom told me that I was an accident. I was a birth control baby. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 15

By Banana_Lord - 19/05/2016 15:51 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I came back from breakfast to find I was locked out of my dorm room. After panicking, getting yelled at by the RA for being irresponsible, and making myself late for class, I realized that I had been trying to get into the wrong room. Mine was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have bigger boobs than my girlfriend FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 23

By NoMoreTacoBell - 19/05/2016 15:48 - United States - Washington

Today, I had an early doctors appointment near my college, which I commute to everyday. Wanting to save gas, I decided to wait for 4 hours around campus and in my car before my class started. When it was finally time to go to class, I got a notification that the class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 12

By Chancey Pants - 19/05/2016 15:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I had company coming over for a get together. We went upstairs to see my room only to find a strong smell of stale urine in the air. I thought it was my pet rats. Turns out I forgot to flush my toilet... And left the seat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 20

By Bearamber9210 - 19/05/2016 15:37 - United States

Today, I'm going thru a divorce. While trying out online dating, I realized the only person I matched with was my ex, who was apparently also trying out online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 13

By mushman - 19/05/2016 15:36 - United States - New York

Today, I was walking to work enjoying a beautiful morning in Manhattan. All of a sudden I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. Not a crack in the road or some garbage - but a fucking midget. I tripped over another person. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 20

By brainless - 19/05/2016 15:07 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, my girlfriend finally agreed to marry me. My brain got confused between " be a happy man", and " die a happy man". It came out as "I can now buy a happy man". It's been 2 hours and she can't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 19

By TheHeirofTime - 19/05/2016 15:06 - United States - Northborough

Today, I can out as transgender to my friend. They frowned and said, "If you're gay, just say so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 10

By Ouch - 19/05/2016 14:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got so sick of people bumping into me at school when walking to classes that I yelled 'I'm not moving out the way for anyone anymore!' Straight after I said that I walked into a pole. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 18

By Well there goes my presentation - 19/05/2016 14:47 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, while giving an important presentation, my computer decided to BSOD on me. It proceeded to collect mini-dump data for 5 minutes, and repair itself for the next 5. Co-operates decided it was a good time to end the presentation. This was for my promotion. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 19/05/2016 14:43 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my fiance and I were having pretty rough sex when she screamed for me to stop. After rushing to the hospital the doctors say it's most likely a prolapsed organ. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 8

By not-fat - 19/05/2016 14:32 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I proudly told my mum that I'd lost 6kg over the last two and a half months, and showed her my slimmer figure. Instead of complimenting me, she responded by telling me I should loose my double chin next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 13

By kidknuckle - 19/05/2016 13:55 - United States - Louisville

I called a girl I really liked to ask her to go to the movies with me, I was on the phone for 10 minutes with her before I finally got the nerve to ask, when I asked she replied “oh honey that would be great ill get her on the phone for you” I just asked out my crushes mom.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 16

By KeyofDestinyXVII - 19/05/2016 13:32 - United States - Woodside

Today, I was having a conversation with my global history teacher from Greece. He wrote me up and tried to give me detention when I didn't refer to Macedonia as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 10

By player20270 - 19/05/2016 13:28 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, I was emptying my bowels at work when the fire alarm went off. Let's just say my coworkers had an interesting, never seen before, view of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 8

By Notuptoit - 19/05/2016 13:21 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I stayed home from the vacation my family had planned for me and my lover. He said he had work, I stayed cause he said he'd still come over to see me. Just found out he's working all weekend, skipping school tomorrow to go to Disneyland with his friends. I was the one who bought his pass.FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By pikateat - 19/05/2016 13:13 - United States - Edison

Today, after preparing for this day for weeks, I got food poisoning from a chicken salad that caused me to stay home and miss my AP Environmental Science exam and a fundraising event that I was a keynote speaker in. I didn't even know food poisoning from a salad was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 9

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 577

You deserved it 4 000

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 447

You deserved it 26 033

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 209

You deserved it 5 871

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 284

You deserved it 56 923

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 663

Today, my partner of 4 years has told me that trying to be emotionally present and initiate affection from time to time is too much of a change for them to handle. I wish they had said that the first time I brought it up, instead of stringing me along. Oh, but they "love me". Just not enough to be a better person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 204