Relationships

Thank you for your service

By Auburn_flame - 27/03/2019 00:00

Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 370

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 03:59

Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 145

You deserved it 338

Divorce impending

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 129

Don't hate the player…

By He who is free of sin casts the first stone. - 16/06/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 2 074

No kinkshaming but… what?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 22:59

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he had a thigh fetish, I thought it was cute, until I realised our sex life would mostly be him fawning all over my legs, then dry humping my knees. We’ve been together 3 months and I can count the number of actual shags I’ve had on one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 275

Toxic masculinity FTW

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 18:01 - South Africa - Bryanston

Today, I found that my boyfriend and his friend sends nudes of other girls to each other and then comment on them. When I confronted him, I was told that I was wrong for being upset "because this is just what men do". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 245

White knights

By not a bitch just don’t like you - 10/03/2021 19:59 - United States

Today, once again, I told a guy who’s been hounding me for ages that I’m not interested. After being asked repeatedly and turning him down politely for so long, I finally snapped and cussed his ass out. Now I’m known as "the bitch" for hurting such a "nice guy's" feelings. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 180

Manchild

By Soontobeedivorced - 13/03/2022 22:00

Today, I confronted my husband about yet again going out “with the boys” and not coming home. I told him that as long as he has that ring on his finger, he’s gonna respect me, the kids, and our home. He responded by taking off his wedding band and throwing it to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 567

Alexa, play "What difference does it make?" by The Smiths

By tarah - 10/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 144

Three's company

By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 630

It's called being a wage slave

By Anonymous - 10/03/2021 11:01

Today, my new boyfriend told me he has no interest in being a dad, never has, never will, so the first time I ask him for any sort of help with my son he’s out the door. I'd dump his ass, but my mum just died so I have nowhere to go, and literally cannot afford both rent and food without his wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 728

Sabotage!

By I choose health - 11/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to purposely sabotaging all my weight loss efforts. When I confronted him, he said it’s because he doesn’t want me to get thin and turn into one of those stuck up, snobby, mean girl types that wouldn’t date him in high school. We’re in our 30s dude, get over it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 166

Back and forth

By coolrunnings1021 - 05/07/2021 14:01

Today, my wife is a tennis fan and is watching Wimbledon. I hate tennis, but she gets in a mood if I suggest we watch anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 704

Stuck

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 21:30 - Australia

Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 033

Money slave issues

By Flexxxxzz - 22/04/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my husband is a sugar daddy to a 19 year-old college girl. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it because, “It’s not like we have sex or anything, just friendship” and gave me a lecture about how just because he’s married doesn’t mean he can’t have friends. He’s 53. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 196

Ingredients check

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 196

Thanks Jeffree Star

By whysoserious??? - 07/12/2022 12:00

Today, my girlfriend has become completely obsessed with YouTube makeup tutorials. She’s already beautiful and used to take 30 minutes tops to get ready. Now every time we leave the house, it’s some 2-hour paint session where she ends up looking like an unrecognizable fucking psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 161

The best laid plans…

By A drunk walks into a bar and says NO SEX TONIGHT - 22/07/2022 16:00

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 316

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 23:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 135

Hard no

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 22:01

Today, not to be "that guy" but my wife quit her job from fear of COVID, we have no kids, so am I really unreasonable to expect that she might do SOME of the housework instead of none of it, and then asking me if I would mind doing the dishes and laundry as soon as I get home? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 126

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 10:59 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 86

Good girl

By StarvedForAffection - 13/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 278

Midlife crisis

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 20:04

Today, the woman I've been dating for a while told me she wants to, "go back to day one of the relationship and just be friends first," but doesn’t want to break up or lose me, all because she’s having a midlife crisis. I was going to propose to her next month, I've already bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 116

He's fine

By kenz - 17/12/2020 20:01

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to come over for a backyard wiener roast. Because it was so hot outside, he told me he didn't want to. Eventually, I talked him into it telling him it would be fine. He's now still asleep on the couch with heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 263

Crushed

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 12:00

Today, I found out that my crush and best friend dumped her boyfriend, and she has been sexting two of our male friends who are married, with kids, and has started hooking up with a meth head. Guess I'm losing a lot of friends in the future… FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 168

Misguided

By lovelesslonely - 12/10/2010 17:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our one-year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 821

You deserved it 7 206

Fandoms are weird

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 08:02 - Romania

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 564

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00 - India

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 293

Bad omen

By camb - 29/05/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend, who recently moved in with me, has opted to sleep on the couch rather than in the same bed as me. She claims it’s because "her body" won’t let her fall asleep unless she’s alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 205

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 131

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The Top

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 537

You deserved it 1 966

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 162

You deserved it 13 058

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 7 942

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 664

You deserved it 340

Today, I finally had an weird sex dream after a long time. I was the center of attention of a group of guys, but on closer look, they were all clones of my husband. Multiple copies of my husband. Guess I'm monogamous for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 429

Today, I was texting my mom about a surprise visit, and autocorrect changed "surprise" to "surgery." I hit send before noticing, and now she thinks I’m planning some major medical procedure, and has been calling me nonstop to check if I’m OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 121