Poopoo peepee

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 122

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 23:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, a sewer main broke just outside of where I work. It smells like a latrine here but we are not allowed to close down, and the county won't do anything about it for two weeks. The only upside is that I'm not dealing with many customers, but having to smell the entire city's feces is way worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 101

i'm not paid enough for this shit (and piss)

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an "accident" in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year-olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 764

You deserved it 3 479

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 68

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 114

Stealthy roommate

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 15/03/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom, but the door was closed. I waited until I was pretty much about to explode, and eventually yelled, "Are you okay?" and my roommate replied, "What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. I left the light on." How do you close the door and forget to turn off the light? FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 400

Roomies

By Werebothwomen - 19/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate of over 8 years assumed “the rag” I keep “above the toilet” was meant for wiping, and “the rag” on the separate towel rack was for washing your face. I have used the hand towel “above the toilet” to dry my hands after washing for a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 178

Oh shit

By das_shizzle - 30/09/2020 23:02 - United States - Montesano

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 131

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 400

Left hanging out to dry

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 18:47

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 771

You deserved it 14 052

Alexa, play "Waterfall" by The Stone Roses

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 12:00

Today, medically speaking, I have been shitting for 15 hours straight. I hope the hypokalemia kills me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 87

Shitty

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 08:00

Today, I can only eat gluten-free food because gluten gives me diarrhea. I’m also vegan, so I bought some vegan cheese and salami to have a mess-free sandwich on the bus. As it turns out, vegan salami consists of 6% gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 114

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 27/08/2025 06:00 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, while apartment hunting with my boyfriend, I needed to use the bathroom. We were on our own and no toilet paper. Fortunately I carry wipes with me, because I had to more than just pee. All was fine, until I tried to flush and realized the water was turned off. The next person will get quite the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 389

Coming through

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 18:00

Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 191

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 25 190

Anatomy 101

By Rhayne - 26/12/2023 22:00 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I, a 29 year-old, healthy female who has never done anal, felt the urge to fart while working on my computer. However, it then felt like I was going to be poop, so did a mini sprint to my bathroom. Unfortunately, my anus let go and I shat myself. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 234

Are ya winning, son?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son has taken over the bathroom, crying because he almost lost his virginity but finished in 10 seconds in his pants. I’d have more sympathy for him except I’ve got IBS and the other 4 people who live here all need to pee. If he doesn’t come out soon, I’ll have to kick the door in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 100

Double trouble

By Trinity - 03/05/2022 00:01

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 177

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 733

You deserved it 1 529

Pee is stored in the balls

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 02:01 - Belgium - Lint

Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 106

Side effected

By AMDKilla - 18/09/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 102

What even is that?

By git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 169

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 724

You deserved it 3 895

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 213

Dodged a bullet

By CC. - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916

You deserved it 25 082

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 313

You deserved it 1 082

Little shit

By Anonymous - 31/12/2022 18:00 - United States - Fpo

Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 403

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 698

You deserved it 3 083

By Lola - 29/07/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 571

Ice age

By Drew - 16/01/2022 16:59

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 165

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The Top

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 6 124

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 286

You deserved it 31 859

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 1 006

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 976

You deserved it 3 241

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 3 589

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 5 060