Health

Acceptance

By knzknz - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 942

You deserved it 42 293

I'm only sleeping

By Anonymous - 10/06/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, my body has decided that sleeping past 4 a.m. is strange idea and should be resisted. It is also of the opinion that any duration of sleep less than 10 hours per night constitutes a lack thereof, which deserves physical signs of tiredness, like looking several years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 135

Perpetual 420

By anon - 08/06/2023 06:00

Today, I came home to pizza boxes piled high, dirty laundry everywhere, and a sink full of roaches, but all I did was smoke a bowl and turn the Switch on. My boyfriend and I have let our lives fall apart ever since our state legalized weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 1 778

Body double

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 22:00

Today, I realised that my friend and I have the same cute, round belly. The problem is that she’s seven months pregnant and I’ve been on a diet with an intensive gym program since January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 227

Virtue signalling

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 12:00

Today, I stumbled upon a few of my former uni classmates’ social media profiles, all sharing anti-bullying posts and adding sad comments. Really thoughtful of them, if you ignore the fact that these same classmates bullied me relentlessly during my college years, causing me to take antidepressants daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 169

Sharing is caring

By perfect timing - 06/06/2023 00:02

Today, after a very long, nasty custody battle with his ex, my boyfriend’s kids were finally scheduled to spend the night at our house. Today is also the day my daughter came home with a note from school about the massive lice outbreak on campus. Yup she has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 132

Mush

By Tired Tater - 05/06/2023 20:00 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 1 507

The scene

By Goober - 05/06/2023 06:00

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 3 326

Flummoxed

By shellie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 134

You deserved it 4 506

Stuck in a rut

By neurodi-HELPME - 03/06/2023 10:00

Today, my ADHD brain won't quit hyperfixating on one specific show. I've watched all 5 seasons 3 times through and have the wiki open at all times. I've tried watching other things, but even shows that I'm huge fan of don't cut it. I feel like there's no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 261

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 22:00

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 220

Stay safe in there

By herestowaiting - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Detroit

Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 141

You deserved it 1 263

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 240

Boo!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 836

You deserved it 28 257

The struggle

By Ghostrui - 02/06/2023 06:00

Today, I've realized how badly my social anxiety disorder has affected my ability to bond with relatives. I sat in silent regret as I listened to cousins and aunts relate fond memories of our recently departed grandma during family dinner. It hurts to know I'll never have another chance with grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 206

Chub rub

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 18:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, trying to exercise and be more healthy, I went for a walk but I developed a friction thigh rash. The rash is so bad I will likely not be able to get on another walk for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 201

Loosey-goosey

By knickersdontfit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 393

You deserved it 8 265

Freak

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, my niece came to visit from out of town. It's also the day my partner tested positive for Covid. To minimize contact, I told her I would take her to the train station while he isolates. She refused. She then spent the day sitting as close to me as possible, hoping I was a carrier. She WANTED to catch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 145

Strong Kurt Cobain vibes

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I've done everything I wanted to do in life. I'm currently 27. Bored out of my fucking mind. Just call me bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 786

Bad boy

By Dammit - 31/05/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 116

TikTok influencers grind my gears

By ThisIsYourDoc - 31/05/2023 22:00

Today, a patient explained to me what treatment he thought I was supposed to give him by showing me a TikTok video. For one, I'm a surgeon, not a dentist, but even if I was, I wouldn't do root canal treatments at 2 a.m. in an emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 79

TMI, mom

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Berkeley Springs

Today, my mom was on the phone when she decided to blurt out that she got me probiotics for my stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 168

Glued up

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I was grumbling about how they apparently changed the recipe of my favorite lotion and made it all weird and sticky, when I realized that, no, what they actually did was design a bottle of shower cream that looks almost exactly LIKE that of my favorite lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 732

This is America {RUNNING ON WINDOWS 98}

By ThisIsYourDoc - 30/05/2023 12:00

Today, my hospital provides me with an IT system from the late '90s to manage the overblown patient documentation requirements of the early 2020s. In one of the richest nations on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 111

Kitchen nightmare

By McDonald's it is then - 30/05/2023 10:00

Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 139

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 29/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 169

Lifegoals

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 18:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, I’m unemployed with no children and hardly any social life, so you’d think my life was a constant, boring holiday, when in fact I'm so busy every day that I think I might have to designate myself a “day off” just to recover from the stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 363

Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 22:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 522

Help! I need somebody!

By crippled shopper - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 947

You deserved it 4 819

Mega hair

By allergiesbegone - 27/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, I realized my "year-round allergies" might have been the result of a nearly 2-inch nostril hair I trimmed out last week. Years of constant sneezing and leaky nose with no medicine helping it, suddenly gone. I can't believe I've suffered half my life thinking I had super allergies, over one stray nose hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 182

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary is closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now everytime I pee, It not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 514

You deserved it 219

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 831

You deserved it 174

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 416

You deserved it 3 502

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 575

You deserved it 10 427

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 669

You deserved it 3 970

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 098

You deserved it 2 099