Health

Senpai Noticed

By HelenErutherford - 09/07/2018 01:30

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 274

You deserved it 344

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 392

You deserved it 268

By motherlylove - 08/07/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years-old and has been married to me for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 583

You deserved it 289

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 952

You deserved it 502

FREEDOM

By Idontlikefireworks2 - 07/07/2018 19:00

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 267

By cereal mom - 07/07/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my ex let my son eat nothing but cereal and milk for every single meal during his five-day visit. Now my son shrieks, cries, and has a meltdown if I try to make him eat real food. My ex merely replied, "Your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 453

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 238

You deserved it 249

My skin hates me

By allergyssuck - 05/07/2018 20:30

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I'm allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it, and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I'm allergic to it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 791

You deserved it 300

Smoking hot dude

By Anonymous - 05/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my parents that I'm a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That lead on to part two of my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 319

You deserved it 730

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 933

You deserved it 381

By Diana - 05/07/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 894

You deserved it 383

By Matthew - 04/07/2018 22:30

Today, during science, my friend thought it would be funny to pour corrosive acids into the reaction test I was making. I had to explain to my parents why I have no eyebrows, but the worst part is that I only got a D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 621

You deserved it 343

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 676

You deserved it 364

By Conspiratea - 01/07/2018 19:00

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 499

You deserved it 207

Weird family

By call me humpty - 30/06/2018 20:30

Today, my dad knocked me down the steps while chasing my brother around the house shouting, "Get back here you pervert!" at the top of his lungs. I have a concussion and a vertebrae fracture because my dad is a religious nutjob and he caught my 22-year-old brother having premarital sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 565

You deserved it 355

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 511

You deserved it 727

By RootalyTootToot - 29/06/2018 15:00

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 278

Mommy Issues

By Anonymous - 28/06/2018 20:47

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 595

You deserved it 414

By ge fu yo twa - 25/06/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 228

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 24/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 996

You deserved it 277

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 870

You deserved it 270

It's real, I'm telling you!

By Tenniemo - 20/06/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 831

You deserved it 233

Ewwwwww

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 20:30

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 008

You deserved it 308

By redriver - 18/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 536

You deserved it 315

By Sad bitch - 18/06/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 539

You deserved it 725

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 409

You deserved it 2 885

Today, I hopped on a tram without a ticket to travel one stop in order to save 5 minutes off my walk. Instead, I got a $230 fine and ended up 15 minutes further away from my destination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 1 547

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on the 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 10 129

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 2 897

Today, I was texting with my close friend about her very sick father. She texted, "I hope he gets better" and I replied, "I hope he does." Autocorrect changed it to, "I hope he dies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 440

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 223

You deserved it 3 527