Cats

Smol bean

By Smol Cat - 28/12/2022 12:00

Today, my cat is five years-old and still looks like a very chunky kitten. I'd been worried for the past three or four years that something was wrong with her, because she wasn't growing to a normal size. It turns out that's literally her natural size, and she's perfectly healthy. I was stressing over nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 953

The language of love

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 14:00

Today, and for weeks, I’ve had a rash of tiny little scabs all across my stomach and boobs. I’ve spent way too much money on creams that didn’t help, only to realise that my new kitten, when he is asleep on me and kneading my shirt with his claws, he was giving me hundreds of tiny scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 349

Check these out!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 20:00 - Germany - Gelnhausen

Today, I wanted to show a photo of my cat to my colleague, but my phone fell out of my hand and scrolled to the next photo, a photo of me without a bra. Now he thinks that this is how I tried to let him know that I want a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 462

By ChaosFerret - 03/05/2016 20:53 - United States - Eugene

Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 691

You deserved it 2 125

False advertising

By Anonymous - 29/01/2024 22:00 - France

Today, I woke up to find my cat had knocked my phone into the toilet. As I fished it out, soaking wet, I thought, "Well, at least it's water-resistant." Turns out, my phone wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 263

Alas, poor Salem

By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, a policeman and I confronted my psychotic neighbor, who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 751

You deserved it 2 776

Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 389

Feral kitty

By Polar Bear 2020 - 24/04/2024 17:30 - India

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 103

The master of the house

By Damn cats - 13/10/2022 04:00

Today, I had to use the bathroom when I woke up this morning. My cat was sitting in front of the toilet and absolutely refused to move. I seriously tried every humane way of getting her to move, but she didn't budge. I had to sit really awkwardly on the toilet to do my business. When I stood up, she moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 2 006

Cute trick

By Anonymous - 21/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. As the cop approached my car, my cat appeared out of nowhere, seemingly jumping out of behind the passenger seat, ran up my arm, and sat on my shoulder with his eyes like satellite dishes. The officer was too busy laughing to give me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 169

Paws for thought

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, I was trying to exercise while having to keep my cat inside. Turns out it’s impossible to do pull-ups when a cute kitty is sitting on top of the ledge you’re holding on to, thinking you’re playing peekaboo and trying to slap your silly face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 231

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 181

Kittenblocked

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 22:00

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 511

Fur suit

By Anonymous - 11/08/2024 14:00 - Sweden - Harplinge

Today, I rushed to a job interview, but my cat rubbed against me, covering my suit in fur. I grabbed a lint roller, tripped over the cat, and knocked out a front tooth. I showed up sweaty, disheveled, and missing a tooth. I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 129

Life is life

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 00:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I spent all day watching sad cat adoption/rescue videos on Instagram and now I'm bummed out thinking about how mine are going to die within my lifetime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 586

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 2 246

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 196

By raven_of_azarath - 19/06/2019 12:23

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 330

Drunken mess

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 205

You deserved it 4 515

Creepy backyard

By L.Lime05 - 08/08/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 3 825

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 365

You deserved it 6 437

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 122

Look Rufus…

By jumbledgirl - 10/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 2 490

Chill out, Bugs

By trex_life - 14/03/2021 20:00

Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 553

Physical imbalances in the root chakra

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 20:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was practicing yoga at home when I heard a loud crash. My cat had managed to knock over a bookshelf while attempting to catch a fly. In my rush to save my books and knick-knacks, I tripped over my yoga mat and fell into the mess. My cat got the fly though, so that's something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 120

Didn't see ya there

By AylaMarie92 - 09/11/2021 13:59

Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 347

No one disturbs the masters

By Anonymous - 01/08/2015 04:10 - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 3 237

My pride and joy

By A good cat owner - 02/11/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 186

Nutshot

By Unwilling Target - 03/10/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 173

By MegahnDN - 11/06/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 783

You deserved it 4 188

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Gross Poopoo peepee Kids Miscellaneous Death Mother in law My ex I need your advice Money AITA Love Break-ups Embarrassing Food Family Teachers School Health Relatable Clumsy Healthy Lifestyle Cats Neighbours Animals Cute Transportation Confused Music Concert Annoying

The Top

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 045

You deserved it 5 967

Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 881

You deserved it 4 641

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 497

You deserved it 6 460

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 849

You deserved it 719

Today, my guy finally got his brother out of their house so we could try and get busy. It was going okay when he tried to put on a condom. It got soft. We messed around a little longer tried again. Then a third time. I finally just started to get dressed and he took me to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 207

Today, I've started to dislike my friends. I'm in my 30s, play soccer, and was recently diagnosed with diabetes - mostly due to genetics - but the decades of poverty and eating restaurant mistakes didn't help. I treated my friend to a ball game and told her. She asked if I was being responsible, then ordered a second beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 339