Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:07 - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

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punkchicka4 - 02/03/2015 23:37 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was demoted as a bridesmaid in a wedding because I dyed my hair, and didn't ask permission from the bride to do so. The bride is my sister. FML

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punkchicka4

punkchicka4 13

Tuesday 3 March 2015 16:58

Hey guys!! I'm surprised that this got published. I didn't dye my hair a weird color or anything. I went from a dark blond to just brunette because my sister actually suggested it months ago. She's been unbearable throughout this whole thing, but it's okay. I'm still going to the wedding, but as a guest now. :/

MDoremis - 24/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

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Anonymous - 14/03/2015 11:04 - Netherlands - Dronten

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

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Headless - 29/05/2015 13:04 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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mirandale - 02/07/2015 05:53 - United States - Durham

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

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mirandale

mirandale 7

Friday 3 July 2015 4:06

Hi, everyone! OP here. I made an account so I could post a follow up. (: Three hundred characters is pretty short to explain the whole thing, but basically since we hadn't seen each other for several weeks, my boyfriend and I both decided to think of something romantic we could do this weekend to surprise the other with. I actually thought his first surprise was hilarious - but he wasn't serious! I get my "real" surprise tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it! Thanks for all the comments, guys!

what even - 14/05/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

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Pukey - 28/03/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

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Anonymous - 02/07/2015 02:04 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML

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Stranger danger

Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

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Stop, please stop

yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

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Hack

Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

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McWhopper - 08/05/2015 17:40 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

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Donewithit - 02/06/2015 13:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

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Daily struggle

hook me up with some smack, Jack - 01/08/2015 06:18 - Australia - Perth

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

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nothesisforme - 11/03/2015 14:01 - France

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

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Lady_Gunslinger9 - 11/08/2015 21:38 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

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Lady_Gunslinger9

Lady_Gunslinger9 7

Thursday 13 August 2015 11:41

Hey guys I'm the OP, just thought I'd make an account and give you all some extra information. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, he knew about both of these and he could tell I wasn't feeling okay so he asked me what was wrong, I tried to convince him it was nothing because I don't feel comfortable opening up to people because of things that have happened in my past. When he eventually convinced me I wasn't going to lose him if I opened up, I took a risk. I told him some things that were worrying me and no it's nothing crazy or weird (although the murder comments did cheer me up a little). The conversation led to talking about our relationship and that's when he ended it. I'm better off without him because anyone who cant deal with me telling them small things that everyone goes through certainly couldn't handle something big if it ever happened. I am sad it ended but I know its probably for the best

KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

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