Random Spicy

Nature finds a way

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 22:00

Today, I hooked up with a girl who had a total Nicki Minaj butt. She wanted me to do her doggy style, and the spirit was willing but the flesh wasn’t long enough to reach more than an inch inside, no matter how much we readjusted. We ended up switching to missionary, but neither of us were happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 194

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 4 012

Disconnected

By Nothing for me? - 09/02/2023 00:00

Today, after realizing just how stressful my week is going to be, I gave my girlfriend a massage, hoping for some stress relieving sex. I rubbed her for 30 minutes, then she said that she didn't feel "connected" with me and went to sleep. Isn't the point of sex to connect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 1 611

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 2 079

Some people just never learn

By WhatJustHappened - 09/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 224

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 116

You deserved it 31 390

By galen - 03/06/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 052

You deserved it 27 753

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 04:00

Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 287

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 630

You deserved it 5 731

Awkward

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 293

You deserved it 51 700

Sex ed done right, sort of

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 12:00

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 916

Maneater

By bad_day_in_hell - 17/11/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 2 182

Freudian

By Anonymous - 16/06/2023 00:02 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was having sex with my FWB buddy. Right when I was about to cum, he stopped, didn’t even pull out, and said, “Wait, I have to text my mom.” The guy is 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 420

You deserved it 5 006

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 668

You deserved it 221

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 550

You deserved it 2 743

Scary thought

By Kev - 14/02/2022 17:59

Today, I have a very mild case of COVID. I’ve been in quarantine for a few days now. No big deal. I’ve also been ridiculously horny these past few days. However, every time I…relieve that tension, I get a stabbing headache. Now I’m worried I may never full enjoy sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 217

So, you guys bangin' or what?

By kiwi2323 - 26/09/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 3 378

Unadventurous

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 11:59

Today, and ever since my boyfriend discovered what a rimjob is, it’s all he’s been asking for, no matter how many times I say no. I can’t be the only one who finds the thought of licking a butthole disgusting and vomit-inducing. Take the hint, no means no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 306

Work it!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, my man said, "If you get more sore from your workouts than from having sex with me, I’m gonna cry!" Uhm… I do serious weight training, and in bed we both enjoy the missionary position, so… sorry for your ego, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 168

By Dana - 10/05/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 159

You deserved it 12 140

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 05:19 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 482

You deserved it 303

By schooyou101 - 04/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 3 977

By SouthPaw - 14/01/2015 21:48 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 3 087

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 553

You deserved it 5 032

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 008

You deserved it 56 265

Domino dancing

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 18:00

Today, I watched the love of my life look me straight in the eye and lie to me with well-practised ease about where she spent last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 520

The dead of the night

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my mom and her boyfriend fucking in their room at night, all because I wanted to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 392

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 041

You deserved it 3 088

Our little bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 23:00

Today, my partner and I were both horny at the same time. I entertained our 3 kids while he jerked off, then he entertained them while I went and masturbated. We live together and this is the first time we’ve been horny at the same time since Christmas, because we’re both so exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 436

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2 004

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 91

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 014

You deserved it 2 690

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 814

You deserved it 199

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 985

You deserved it 783

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 322

You deserved it 5 678