App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Yuletide log

    Anonymous - - United States - Dallas

    Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML
    33 057
    4 349
      

    Where did you come from?

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
    32 979
    2 932
      

    Ewww, gross

    spekledworf - - United States - Wrentham

    Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
    32 906
    2 085
      

    The Hulk

    dino0123 - - United States - Herndon

    Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML
    32 836
    4 601
      

    Overtime

    Tired - - United States - San Francisco

    Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said, "Oh well. Get to work." FML
    32 818
    3 058
      

    Pile up

    neverforgetyourphone - - Canada - Barrie

    Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML
    32 756
    3 013
      

    Not welcome here

    Imgonnahaveabf - - United States

    Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML
    32 736
    3 692
      

    Slapped

    Username - - France

    Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML
    32 730
    5 002
      

    Sob story

    marisacb - - United States

    Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
    32 612
    7 839
      

    Face your fears!

    birdsterrifyme - - United States - Sikeston

    Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
    32 520
    4 454
      

    Broke

    Anon - - United States - Stony Point

    Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML
    32 462
    4 966
      

    Great timing

    fartmaster - - United States

    Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML
    32 452
    61 986
      

    Gossip and tea

    Anonymous - - Australia

    Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML
    32 343
    3 537
      

    Salt meet wound

    max5 - - France - Casseneuil

    Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML
    32 317
    2 973
      

    Get the message

    thelandofoz - - United States

    Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML
    32 259
    7 779
      

    Office Space

    Mishlette - - United Kingdom - Derby

    Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
    32 258
    2 818
      

    Dope

    valarmorgoolies - - United States - Binghamton

    Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
    32 189
    3 099
      

    Ouch

    billy - - United States - Wellesley Hills

    Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML
    32 148
    5 426
      

    Stolen valor

    eamiller - - United States - Franklin

    Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML
    32 053
    3 877
      

    Mug

    Anonymous - - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

    Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML
    32 036
    2 709
      

    Creepy crawlies

    John - - Saint Lucia

    Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML
    32 027
    3 083
      

    Dude, where's my car?

    Bunsostriker - - United States - Dearborn

    Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML
    31 989
    2 172
      

    Thanks, I guess…

    smyp - - Lithuania - Vilnius

    Today, I was let go from my job, because I'm "progressing too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at." FML
    31 948
    2 313
      

    Glass houses and all that

    mirrorfad - - United Kingdom

    Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
    31 904
    3 347
      

    He's one of those people

    Anonymous - - Canada - Sudbury

    Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML
    31 842
    3 265
      

    The gush

    mwja - - France

    Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML
    31 818
    4 011
      

    Ouch

    sadface - - Australia

    Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
    31 802
    7 511
      

    Support system error

    PissedAtLife - - United States

    Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML
    31 783
    3 325
      

    Jog on

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
    31 739
    2 978
      

    Snark

    hahasuckit - - United States

    Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled, "Yeah, right…" in front of everyone. FML
    31 725
    5 480
      
    • 9
    • 10
    • 11
    • 12
    • 13
    • 14
    • 15
    • 16
    • 17
    • 18

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML
    1 893
    288
    Today, I spilled coffee on my shirt and had to change before a big meeting. The only clean shirt I had was a gift from my brother. I didn’t notice it said "World’s Okayest Employee" on it until I was sat in the meeting. FML
    335
    265
    Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML
    31 064
    16 490
    Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML
    590
    307
    Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML
    6 162
    323
    Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes, "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it this much." FML
    45 224
    4 516

    © VDM SAS,

    ​