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Cheeky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say, "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 3 221

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 399

You deserved it 5 606

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 5 397

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 045

You deserved it 2 674

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 14:56 - Japan

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 830

You deserved it 4 070

Happiest place on Earth

By creepedoutmom - 17/05/2015 16:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year-old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 624

You deserved it 3 195

Wahey!

By no_hullabalo - 04/09/2009 14:50 - Taiwan

Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 864

You deserved it 3 481

Heat of passion

By owl + bungee cord - 07/01/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 573

You deserved it 10 071

What new hell is this

By full bladder - 28/04/2015 22:39 - United States - Valrico

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 2 378

By ShampooThief - 12/04/2015 03:05 - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 712

You deserved it 3 032

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 728

You deserved it 3 339

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 859

You deserved it 2 659

Permission denied

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 2 669

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Spicy

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 246

You deserved it 5 632

Thanks for telling me

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and say,s "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 878

You deserved it 2 607

By jessefonsexy. - 07/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 170

You deserved it 2 781

By somechick - 09/12/2009 05:25 - Canada

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 391

You deserved it 6 111

By lonethong15 - 08/08/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 817

You deserved it 3 917

By kam3221 - 01/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 889

You deserved it 54 298

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 471

You deserved it 3 320

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 06:24 - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 41 642

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 40 167

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 549

You deserved it 5 157

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Spicy

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 112

You deserved it 6 741

By gahdamnit - 28/05/2010 13:18 - Australia

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 25 836

By worried - 01/04/2010 08:28 - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 8 490

By navygirl96 - 04/03/2015 03:54 - United States - Arvada

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 2 746

navygirl96 tells us more.

navygirl96 14

Wednesday 4 March 2015 18:04

Hi guys, I'm the author of this FML. To clarify I am not lazy or too busy for my mom. I work 10 hour night shifts and go to school. My mom is very sweet and was trying to help me out so I wouldn't have to make a special trip during my work week, and because she knew how excited I was for the card. My husband works 60 hour weeks so he probably didn't think about it. Thank you for the all the kind comments, many of you are very kind.

My child is so hilarious!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 486

You deserved it 2 822

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The Top

The Top

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 751

You deserved it 3 849

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 963

You deserved it 7 814

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up… except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 392

You deserved it 3 230

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 16 162

Today, as I was sleeping, I found a snail in my bed, yet I was dreaming so I thought it was a dream, but it felt real. I jumped out of the bed and I couldn't believe it. I wonder how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 113

Today, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my friend. As we all hid in the dark waiting for him to arrive, I unexpectedly sneezed so loudly that I scared everyone, and they jumped out before he had even finished unlocking the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 148