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Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

By DonMare - 22/04/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 657

You deserved it 7 691

By troubled - 04/11/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 3 764

By LesbianHonest - 22/04/2013 19:52 - Canada

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 111

You deserved it 6 830

LesbianHonest tells us more.

LesbianHonest 6

Wednesday 24 April 2013 18:16

I'm not, but my girlfriend is. Her silence in bed makes me sad now. :( PS: Yes, this is my FML. I didn't have an account when I posted it, though.

By FoodNeeded - 25/08/2016 02:24 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 582

You deserved it 2 057

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 903

You deserved it 14 237

Classic

By Can't Spell Worth A Damn - 06/03/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 769

You deserved it 41 853

By flexibleflatulance - 05/09/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 997

You deserved it 49 751

By Katherine - 13/02/2012 21:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 6 516

By girlmeetsworld - 18/02/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 160

You deserved it 13 668

Attempted romance

By ItRainedOutside - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after three years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 5 541

By holycrap - 03/03/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 890

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 00:51 - Australia - Kew

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 583

You deserved it 3 726

Alexa, play "Five Years" by David Bowie

By elle - 19/11/2013 17:31 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know… every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 584

You deserved it 3 398

By Vgameboi - 15/02/2010 03:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 4 285

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 824

You deserved it 4 580

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 113

You deserved it 8 781

By taylorgo - 16/07/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I quit my job because my company wouldn't give me the raise I've been asking for for 2 years. I just saw the ad on Craigslist for my replacement position. The starting salary is above what I was asking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 046

You deserved it 4 916

taylorgo tells us more.

taylorgo 0

Monday 20 July 2009 18:00

Hey all - Thanks for the comments... I did have another job before quitting and I did give my 2 week notice. I'm not stupid in this kind of economy. When giving my 2 week notice, my boss offered to match my current salary and I denied it. I then saw the craigslist posting for more money after I already denied what my boss tried to match for me since I felt it was too late and my new job paid way more. Therefore the uneducated, stupid, and not doing well at my job part doesn't apply. However the undervalued, stupid boss does. :)