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By Lady_Gunslinger9 - 11/08/2015 21:38 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 2 729

Lady_Gunslinger9 tells us more.

Lady_Gunslinger9 7

Thursday 13 August 2015 11:41

Hey guys I'm the OP, just thought I'd make an account and give you all some extra information. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, he knew about both of these and he could tell I wasn't feeling okay so he asked me what was wrong, I tried to convince him it was nothing because I don't feel comfortable opening up to people because of things that have happened in my past. When he eventually convinced me I wasn't going to lose him if I opened up, I took a risk. I told him some things that were worrying me and no it's nothing crazy or weird (although the murder comments did cheer me up a little). The conversation led to talking about our relationship and that's when he ended it. I'm better off without him because anyone who cant deal with me telling them small things that everyone goes through certainly couldn't handle something big if it ever happened. I am sad it ended but I know its probably for the best

By wait..what - 22/09/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 756

You deserved it 3 451

By McChunky =( - 09/03/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 076

You deserved it 9 186

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 438

You deserved it 13 935

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 702

You deserved it 50 592

By CallmeEddie - 14/11/2013 16:44 - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 918

You deserved it 4 914

By emkatch - 21/07/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 888

You deserved it 4 377

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 757

You deserved it 35 485

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 181

You deserved it 37 013

Thanks, lady

By ronniewciv - 30/12/2010 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 3 775

Yay…

By ribbonsundone - 06/01/2010 10:07 - United States

Today, I treated my friends to lunch at a posh restaurant because it's my birthday. While we were walking leisurely around the mall afterwards, their boyfriends showed up. I spent the next few hours walking alone behind them while they were walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 326

You deserved it 4 596

By openended - 21/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 19 430

Go broke, go woke

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 8 552

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 766

You deserved it 23 109

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 4 871

By ashley - 30/04/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 274

You deserved it 28 600

By thatsnotmyname - 03/07/2014 03:12 - United States - Calhoun City

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex-wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 066

You deserved it 7 814

People are awful

By Anonymous - 07/09/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 518

You deserved it 2 891

Everyone's a critic

By rc2981 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 541

You deserved it 5 184

By O0hdear - 27/08/2015 17:44 - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 32 652

Do not come

By booearns - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 291

You deserved it 3 259

The more things change…

By J.O.S - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 152

You deserved it 9 545

By justjust - 28/03/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 906

You deserved it 11 363

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 2 748

By ANNIEDBD - 23/03/2012 09:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 058

You deserved it 2 136

Noooooo! Duuuuude!

By Thai rice mistake - 12/02/2013 08:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 829

You deserved it 19 058

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 050

You deserved it 11 943

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 782

You deserved it 3 763

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 00:00 - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 562

You deserved it 25 285

By nakedweddingday - 04/07/2013 02:40 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 982

You deserved it 3 737

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The Top

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 783

You deserved it 2 075

Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 924

You deserved it 6 357

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 201

You deserved it 53 601

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 679

You deserved it 9 952

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 469

Today, my brother is staying over for a while. I thought I was prepared for this, but I totally forgot that he is inexplicably prone to having random nosebleeds. He's going through my Kleenex faster than a horny teenage boy left alone in his room. Time to hoard Kleenex like how people hoarded toilet paper in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 103