Love Lookin' good - FML

Lookin' good

Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Rude awakening

Anonymous - 22/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

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diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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What happened?

....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

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nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

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randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

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Partaaaaay!

Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

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godhatesme - 10/12/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

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Gimme a break

anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

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Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

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Cadeth 13

Sunday 20 December 2015 16:16

Don't worry OP you're a strong independent man who don't need no beer!

MisterKnowItAll 15

Sunday 20 December 2015 16:16

You probably looked fabulous.

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

Saturday 26 October 2019 20:09

and a new wife

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I learned that there are people who actually, unironically believe that Danny Masterson is innocent. Faith in humanity: Gone. FML

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Today, I was looking forward to languishing on the beach for a few days of a “much needed vacation” when I literally got called back into work on my way to the beach. FML

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Today, I forgot my father’s birthday. My father means the world to me, I just have a shit memory. FML

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Today, I went to a cook out and sat on a flimsy plastic chair. Halfway through my burger, the chair gave out, and I collapsed in front of everyone, still holding the burger. Someone shouted, “At least you saved the burger!” while everyone laughed. FML

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Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

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Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in three days. FML

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