Your everyday life stories

Pregoat18o - 31/01/2018 07:06

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant and he didn’t believe me because according to him “girls can’t get pregnant when there’s a condom”. FML

asdfghjkl - 31/01/2018 06:05

Today, we had guests at the house, and my mom tripped and fell. I asked if she was okay. She got up, dragged me into the other room, and started screaming at me for making her look 'stupid' in front of the guests. FML

stinkygirl - 31/01/2018 04:06

Today, despite showering daily and applying deodorant before school and in between every class, I have still gotten complaints about my body odor. FML

jamestheman - 31/01/2018 03:55

Today, I learned my girlfriend's last name. It's hyphenated. I've been dating a married woman. FML

Rain - 31/01/2018 02:45

Today I had set up a very expensive date night for my boyfriend of two years, letting him know about it a week in advance. Why did he blow me off? To go play d&d with his boss. FML

Amanda - 31/01/2018 00:06

Today, I caught my boyfriend kissing my identical twin. FML.

"Yes, That's Me" - 31/01/2018 06:47 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, we were supposed to take an exam, but the teacher forgot and was ready to teach a lesson instead. However, I was outside when she said this. I went in and asked what the exam was. She remembered, my classmates looked at me with hatred in their eyes. FML

faaaaack - 30/01/2018 22:28

Today I accidentally swiped super like on my ex boyfriends tinder profile. A super like informs the other person you’ve liked their profile. I hate this man more than words can explain. FML

lil - 30/01/2018 21:53

Today, while at my job as a cashier, I rang up several 'reduced fat' items for a very slim young woman. I remarked that she didn't need to watch her fat intake. She then informed me that she has gallstones. FML

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Robert - 30/01/2018 21:45

Today, I realized I don't know what "spicy" is anymore when my girlfriend had to get help from the waiter at our Thai restaurant due to the fire on her tongue. Apparently I am "inhuman." I just kept eating it. FML

sgcaudell - 30/01/2018 21:01

Today was my birthday. I invited 20 people to my house to play games and eat. The only person to show up was a friend of my husbands. None of my friends even told me they weren’t coming. We had so much food left over. FML

- 30/01/2018 16:50

Today, I woke up smelling like puke and hung over in a cheap motel. I get up to go to the loo, when I suddenly feel something moist between my toes. I look down, and see my foot sitting on 2 long turds. I screamed, and suddenly a drunken man's voice said from under the sheets, 'those are yours.' FML

- 30/01/2018 16:38

Today, on my birthday, I was fired AND I found out that the person who crashed into my parked car last week (& tried blaming it on me) had such crappy insurance that they won't cover the damages even though they agree that it was completely his fault. FML

A VERY disgusted co-worker - 30/01/2018 16:27

Today I work in a very small office with one shared bathroom. For the 2nd time I went in to find that my new, very large co-worker left smears on the toilet seat. The 1st time it was blood smeared on the front. This time it was on the back and definitely not blood. FML...

its not THAT bad! - 30/01/2018 08:41 - United States - New York

Today, I tried my hand at cooking. When my boyfriend took a tiny taste, he then started to over-act like he was poisoned, and cartoonishly "died" on the kitchen floor with matching flower on both hands on his chest. My parents and little sister saw it, and started laughing their asses off. FML

Anonymous - 30/01/2018 00:18 - Canada - Westerose

Today I found out that my husband to be’s whole family hates me... how did I find out? His mother accidentally pocket dialed me... FML

Blazeroni - 30/01/2018 07:20

Today, I came home from work to find that my roommate brought home a dead crab... Not one he caught or bought at a store, but one he found on a beach crawling with bugs. It smells so horrid. FML

bad idea - 30/01/2018 10:46 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, my 5 y/o daughter represents USA for her United Nations school program. I asked my brother to teach her about American culture and attitudes. As a touch up, she then practiced her act by throwing a hissy fit while saying "whine whine whine". I forgot, he works in a call center. FML

SadMama - 29/01/2018 23:08

Today, I realized that in the eleven-and-a-half months since our daughter's birth, my husband and I have had sex a grand total of 3 times. He works days and I work nights. When I try to initiate, he falls asleep. When he tries to initiate, I fall asleep. FML

Anonymous - 29/01/2018 22:53

Today, the first time I spent the night at my boyfriends parents house me and my boyfriend fell asleep on the sofa. While I was asleep, I got my period, and it was super heavy. It soaked right through my jeans and ruined their cream sofa FML

GoodGuyCunt - 29/01/2018 12:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to meet someone special for lunch. My boss scheduled a meeting for the exact same time. After I had told her that I wouldn’t make it, my boss cancelled the meeting. FML

- 29/01/2018 20:28

Today, after getting to class on time for 3 straight years, I got detention for being 15 minutes late while trying to find where to get my hall pass. FML

Lilyann - 29/01/2018 18:26

Today, I was turned down for a job because I couldn't do a drug test. Do I do drugs? No. I'm simply terrified of peeing under pressure. FML

Newbie - 29/01/2018 17:11

Today, I returned to my college dorm to find my roommate had destroyed all my expensive things. My Fitbit, my iPad, and my best makeup. Why? Because I took the chips I bought the day before to a get together for older people who had lost their spouse instead of leaving them for her. FML

thistownneedsanenema - 29/01/2018 08:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my boss chose someone else for a promotion, even though I've been there longer, am better at my job, and have been featured in local press for my work. Her reason? Another person was "excited for menial tasks." FML

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Bitgone - 29/01/2018 09:36

Today, I remembered that I had over a thousand bitcoins from 2010 on an old laptop that I threw away last year. FML.

- 29/01/2018 08:41

Today my wife decided to get dressed up in nice lingerie and stockings to help the mood. As things started to heat up one of her new stiletto style nails found its way into my urethra... FML

Anonymous - 29/01/2018 00:14 - United States - Carbondale

Today I blew my transmission out of my truck and I have no money to fix it and no money to get another vehicle. I live a few miles out of town and I work in town. Looks like I’m walking. FML

LSUDE - 28/01/2018 22:32 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, a 45 year old man hit on me. He followed me back to my apartment and was using pick up tactics on me. I didn't realize what was going on until he complimented my chest. I'm a 21 year old straight guy. FML.

Loserface - 29/01/2018 04:57

Today, I was helping a friend with house repairs. He proceeded to rub sandpaper on my forehead and said "I'm fixing your ugly." FML.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I meant to send a nice picture of the flowers my boyfriend got me set up in a vase on my nightstand. Turns out I sent it to his mom. My vibrator was in the shot. I'm mortified. FML

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Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

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Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

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Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

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Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

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Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

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