Your everyday life stories

- 14/01/2018 02:41

Today, after 2 days of being told by the cat shelter my pet would be returned to me, I was told my cat is at a transitional foster home because she had "a bad attitude". I would have a bad attitude as well if I were illegally trapped abducted, then handed over to the new parents. FML

blindman - 14/01/2018 01:30

Today, I scrambled up some eggs and found that I was out of pepper. I used pepper spray instead, thinking it would be the same thing. FML

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"kkaseeno" - 13/01/2018 22:03

Today, I got hit by a car going about 30mph and got injured. I had the right away and was in a crosswalk. But the cop decided he didn't like my criminal record and came to the hospital.. to give ME a ticket!? "to protect the driver so I can't sue" WTF!?! I'm supposed to pay for being hit by a car? FML

vaginurz - 13/01/2018 04:20 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I woke up from a really great wet dream to see and feel that I bled through my pad and pants. FML

- 13/01/2018 05:44 - New Zealand

Today, I went to a trampoline park with some friends. Within 15 minutes I dislocated my right arm. I'm right-handed. FML

ThatDidn’tLast - 13/01/2018 03:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, after convincing myself I’d be careful with it for three months, I bought all new white bedding. It hasn’t even been half a day and I already managed to stain it. FML

- 13/01/2018 08:28

Today, I decided to have a wank after getting home from a long day. During the climax, my grandpa, who just bought cookies came home and jovially called for me. While struggling to get dressed, he came in and asked what I was doing, got an eye full, and awkwardly left. At least there’s cookies. FML

Discriminated - 13/01/2018 07:38

Today, I had an interview for a management position. After I told my interviewer that I had a bachelor's in psych, she then proceeded to tell me to "try not to use my psychology in the workplace" because apparently, my psychology background means that I would be too lenient. Talk about prejudice. FML

stupid - 13/01/2018 07:13

Today, while I was at work, I realized exactly how bad I am at remembering faces when I said hello to the same customer three times in a row. FML

#confused

Anonymous - 13/01/2018 05:00

Today, I was diagnosed with dangerously low body weight, and food addiction. At the same time. FML

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- 12/01/2018 22:47 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I searched my phone and memory for the name of the one night stand I had a month ago, after 6 months of celibacy. Because I found out I'm pregnant. FML

ForeverBlue - 13/01/2018 00:44 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy ever, and I ruined it completely by getting embarrassingly drunk and asking him if he likes to be called daddy. FML

PISSed off - 12/01/2018 19:33 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I went to bed as usual with my dog sleeping on top of my head. What was unusual, was that he felt too lazy to let me know he had to use the restroom, so he instead just went where he was sleeping. I woke up covered in urine, with some getting in my mouth. FML

Lily - 12/01/2018 22:21 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my 89 y/o grandma, who is a cancer patient and has a tumor in her bladder, decided to shove her FULL catheter bag right into my face to show me "the huge piece of the tumor that she had to push out today". It was bloody and looked like a ball of phlegm. The image is burned into my retinas. FML

"Marelena20" - 12/01/2018 21:36

Today, I was having dinner with family at a relative's place when I felt something hard in the mouth. It was a nail. FML

Mimi - 12/01/2018 21:19

Today, as my husband was visiting my downstairs, he paused for a moment saying uh-oh as he raised his head. I look to see what's wrong only to discover his face full of blood. It turns out his nose had started bleeding. What a mess. FML

"Anonymous_One1 " - 12/01/2018 21:13

Today, I went into a gas station to buy a pack of Ramen noodles (One single pack) and my card got declined the man behind the counter shook his head and canceled my stuff, he then looked me dead in the face and said "just go... on your way out grab a drink" FML

- 12/01/2018 20:31

Today, I found out for my estimated 2 1/2 hour procedure that I will be awake the whole time. Restrained. Not to worry though, apparently I will have plenty of numbing injections and Valium..... I have severe anxiety.

Mae - 12/01/2018 20:08

Today, I found out my husband (32 years old) had an affair with a 19 year old while he was training in El Paso. During the same time, I was at home taking care of our 2 year old son, miscarrying our second child and grieving the death of my grandmother. FML.

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"DawnDarke" - 12/01/2018 20:08

Today, the paint my dad had bought me to use in the house was frozen solid. It's latex based so it's now unusable. FML

Feeling Betrayed - 12/01/2018 16:13

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t “like me just the way I am”, wants me to lose weight, and threatened to leave me if I don’t. This, after I spent so much time helping him get back on his feet so he could go back to college and get a job again. I’m not even that overweight. FML

Unemployable - 12/01/2018 15:57

Today, I submitted four resumes and cover letters and realized after the fact that I had, "Dear Hiring Mangers" on all four. The typo was missed by three proofreaders. FML

just a dude with some porn - 12/01/2018 08:45

Today, I was masturbating about 30 minutes ago and as I was about to cum I got a terribly painful cramp in my right leg, causing me to yell in pain, making my family members to come check on me, cum everywhere, me screaming, and porn still playing. FML

Open mouth Insert foot - 12/01/2018 01:24 - United States - Warren

Today, my friend told me that his girlfriend was about to have a beautiful baby daughter. Having watched too many talk shows the next words that came flying out of my mouth were "Is it your's?" It's a wonder we're still friends. FML

Rocky - 12/01/2018 06:52

Today, I found out my best friend is pregnant. I would be excited for her if I wasn't her surrogate. FML

Aiding&Abetting? - 12/01/2018 04:47

Today, I got fired from my job of four years... for doing my job. I told somebody where chopsticks were (I work at a convenience store) and they ended up stealing it. So I got fired because this person stole chopstick and it was apparently my fault. FML

- 11/01/2018 18:16 - United States - Deer Park

Today my phone decided to factory reset itself. My back ups I've been making failed somehow and now I've lost everything on it. Including the last pictures anyone in my family took my grandfather Before he passed away 2 weeks ago... FML

Chels - 12/01/2018 01:05

Today, it's the conclusion of the first two weeks of the year. 1 new furnace, 2 truck repairs and a root canal. Good bye $4,000, it was nice knowing you. FML

No Choice - 11/01/2018 12:24 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that my unborn daughter will have severe down syndrome. I also found out that my wife is staunchly pro-life (it never came up). There goes the next 40 years of my life. FML.

Anonymous - 11/01/2018 15:05 - Canada - Markham

Today I went to the optometrist for a regular eye exam. They rushed me to the hospital and after waiting 6 hours and having a needle poked in my eye I found out I had a detached retina. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mom shoved a document for me to sign. It's pretty much my will, leaving everything to her boyfriend/fiancé's 11 year-old son, who is a bratty hell spawn of Satan. Before I could say anything, she said not to bother leaving anything to my adopted daughter, because she said if I die, she's going with me. FML

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Today, after being bodyshamed by my mother for being too fat (I'm a size 14) and how I shouldn't be wearing shorts because it makes me look ugly and motivates people to comment on my body, I texted my boyfriend to tell him about it. His reply was, "Aww. you cutie. You know she's not wrong." FML

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Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

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Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML

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Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and said that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered, "Fat girl problems." FML

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Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

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