The Top

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Honesty

By smoothies14 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 937

You deserved it 2 508

Logical

By hooligyn123 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 837

You deserved it 1 908

Out of control

By emilyxoxoxo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 939

You deserved it 37 330

First impressions

By Jes_jes18 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 473

You deserved it 7 759

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 416

You deserved it 9 779

Consistent

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 57 767

Not a good look

By Da Boss - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I'm now his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 273

You deserved it 2 064

Fun fun fun

By levsterx - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 900

You deserved it 705

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cortlandt Manor

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 981

You deserved it 2 049

It's just windy

By m…… - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - South Whitley

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 692

You deserved it 2 081

Work sucks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 881

You deserved it 1 606

Meanwhile, in 1953…

By nope! - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 462

Not a med student

By indefiniteforest - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh… That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 588

You deserved it 623

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 436

What were you thinking?

By embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 655

You deserved it 125 458

How is that fair?

By Henry - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 752

You deserved it 183

Lower your expectations

By mista_sandy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 5 941

Not respected anymore

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as a respected artist, I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 707

You deserved it 16 520

Sketchy

By Notadrinkanddriveidiot - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the backseat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 776

You deserved it 47 657

Pile up

By Fitz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 569

You deserved it 6 254

Bad date

By echolaker2019 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 351

You deserved it 1 757

Great timing

By fartmaster - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 451

You deserved it 61 983

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 1 732

Good news

By poormom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 434

You deserved it 29 138

Smart kid

By bleredoshia - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 947

You deserved it 63 472

Double trouble

By Monika - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 076

You deserved it 5 166

Meanwhile, at Harvard…

By 552220000 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I raised my hand to answer a question, but I forgot the answer, so when the teacher called on me, I just said, "I need to pee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 626

I'm a realist

By abbiexo97 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 251

Jumpy

By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 9 331

Sorry not sorry

By Klamp18 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 120

You deserved it 54 929

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 468

You deserved it 3 019

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 18 513

Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 921

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 736

You deserved it 1 829

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 9 300

He is not one with the force.

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 406