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No way, young man!

By shawnsmuffins - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

agreeclassic 36 569

vote type 1 5 518

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntingtown

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

agreeclassic 38 745

vote type 1 2 180

Oh no, the fun police is here

By We're still popping them - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

agreeclassic 34 075

vote type 1 2 940

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Baltimore

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

agreeclassic 39 571

vote type 1 3 007

Planning ahead

By Ma_Nikka - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

agreeclassic 28 664

vote type 1 3 035

You never know

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

agreeclassic 34 001

vote type 1 3 695

Congratulations

By anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

agreeclassic 30 798

vote type 1 4 971

Kid!

By DrunkParents - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

agreeclassic 30 267

vote type 1 2 819

Whta? How? Why?

By pregz - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

agreeclassic 33 784

vote type 1 2 696

Face your fears!

By birdsterrifyme - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

agreeclassic 32 518

vote type 1 4 454

A little treat

By AdoKitty - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

agreeclassic 29 376

vote type 1 2 334

Backhanded matchmaker

By Highroller_17 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

agreeclassic 26 170

vote type 1 2 455

The downside of nepotism

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question? "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

agreeclassic 29 775

vote type 1 2 408

Ouch

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

agreeclassic 34 895

vote type 1 2 541

Thanks, I guess…

By smyp - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I'm "progressing too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at." FML

agreeclassic 31 946

vote type 1 2 312

Dude, where's my car?

By Bunsostriker - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

agreeclassic 31 988

vote type 1 2 172

Let's go girls

By skid - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

agreeclassic 30 353

vote type 1 3 201

Trumpets!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's "Mambo Number 5" on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

agreeclassic 25 254

vote type 1 1 797

Skill issue or…?

By Realworldred - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

agreeclassic 31 233

vote type 1 3 284

Morning!

By whydoihavecats - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

agreeclassic 26 841

vote type 1 2 727

Drive-thru rage

By TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window, then peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

agreeclassic 26 276

vote type 1 2 015

Great gig

By mildlyconcussed - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

agreeclassic 26 032

vote type 1 1 968

Content warning

By imblue42 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

agreeclassic 25 601

vote type 1 3 797

The joys of spring

By pukeytimes - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

agreeclassic 29 255

vote type 1 2 328

Home sweet home, huh?

By ZombieGirl - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

agreeclassic 23 012

vote type 1 1 883

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

By Shadley Chase Teladia - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

agreeclassic 3 181

vote type 1 2 256

Moment ruined

By Lesbian - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today I took my girlfriend to the cafe where we had our first date, with the intention of proposing. Moments before I took the ring out, some sleazy old guy said, "How are you two fine babes single on a Saturday?" He refused to leave us alone, even when we said we were on a date. FML

agreeclassic 6 418

vote type 1 640

Opportunist

By Mick - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

agreeclassic 865 445

vote type 1 95 093

Freaky family

By tkoester - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

agreeclassic 26 389

vote type 1 1 635

Dude…

By 50sStyle - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

agreeclassic 6 007

vote type 1 477

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

agreeclassic 2 906

vote type 1 141

Today, even though I told him not to, my husband tried the old “pull a shotgun on your daughter’s date” thing. It turns out the kid’s mom is a lawyer and his uncle is a cop. Now my husband is under investigation for a hate crime, because the kid is a different race than us. FML

agreeclassic 588

vote type 1 383

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

agreeclassic 35 608

vote type 1 2 633

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

agreeclassic 50 176

vote type 1 8 712

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

agreeclassic 45 641

vote type 1 4 971

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

agreeclassic 34 764

vote type 1 3 298