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Woah!

By Mel - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

agreeclassic 42 304

vote type 1 13 080

Wait, what?

By HereToLaughAtU - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Des Moines

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

agreeclassic 37 897

vote type 1 4 903

They're indoctrinating our children… with pranks!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

agreeclassic 40 820

vote type 1 4 008

Wedding fatigue

By takeiteasy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

agreeclassic 9 803

vote type 1 34 974

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

agreeclassic 32 735

vote type 1 3 692

Final destination

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad's cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time in my entire adult life that he has visited me at my home. FML

agreeclassic 39 536

vote type 1 2 831

Bad joke, dude!

By Peterrulesall - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a joke, I put a picture of a sonogram on my girlfriend's Facebook. Now her entire family hates me, and her mother has started the two-hour drive to come pull her out of college. Whoops. FML

agreeclassic 373

vote type 1 3 467

Dropped the ball

By TrueStories - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

agreeclassic 70 645

vote type 1 4 193

What the actual ****?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment building, in the middle of the night. FML

agreeclassic 28 028

vote type 1 1 793

Tough crowd

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

agreeclassic 54 496

vote type 1 30 710

Fly my beauties

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

agreeclassic 73 150

vote type 1 5 517

It's a sign!

By unknown951 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 34 040

vote type 1 4 830

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

agreeclassic 36 419

vote type 1 5 076

Can't take it anymore

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 42 088

vote type 1 6 607

Pranks gone awry

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50 metres down the street so that I would be confused when I came out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

agreeclassic 42 578

vote type 1 3 452

Hydra

By whatisthisidonteven - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

agreeclassic 27 369

vote type 1 2 719

Ouch

By sadface - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

agreeclassic 31 798

vote type 1 7 511

Inspection time

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monterey

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

agreeclassic 49 670

vote type 1 3 697

Indoctrinated

By workfordayzz - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

agreeclassic 43 608

vote type 1 9 108

Karma

By fullmoonfml - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

agreeclassic 6 213

vote type 1 58 456

Precious memories

By Mangler - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was, "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

agreeclassic 47 645

vote type 1 5 348

Trick question

By howprofessional - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

agreeclassic 24 088

vote type 1 47 496

Yes problem

By DarkDolly - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

agreeclassic 37 447

vote type 1 3 237

The gush

By mwja - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

agreeclassic 31 814

vote type 1 4 011

Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

agreeclassic 79

vote type 1 1 837

Whoops

By mmv - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

agreeclassic 41 541

vote type 1 2 209

Get out of here

By Anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

agreeclassic 22 725

vote type 1 6 035

Hell no!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

agreeclassic 54 787

vote type 1 3 395

Hang in there

By bs_happens - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9-hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

agreeclassic 29 242

vote type 1 11 508

Proof

By George Saunders - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

agreeclassic 8 154

vote type 1 54 237

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Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

agreeclassic 922

vote type 1 686

Today, it's our 30 year 'no-wedding' anniversary, as in 30 years since she refused to marry me. I mean, we’ve only been together 30 years, have 4 adult children, 6 grandchildren, a house we jointly own, and a retirement villa waiting for us in Tuscany, and yet she doesn’t want to marry me, ever. FML

agreeclassic 661

vote type 1 846

Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML

agreeclassic 1 068

vote type 1 137

Today, while talking on the phone with my long-distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected, he told me, "Well, you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

agreeclassic 51 636

vote type 1 5 926

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

agreeclassic 34 671

vote type 1 3 114

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

agreeclassic 75 465

vote type 1 19 632