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Lay the blame

By jobless - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed afterwards that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

agreeclassic 34 364

vote type 1 2 889

This is fine

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Cypress

Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her "brick throwing spot", in my own driveway. FML

agreeclassic 8 257

vote type 1 537

Happy 4th of July

By Bacon0426 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

agreeclassic 13 083

vote type 1 1 213

Tiger-ed out

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

agreeclassic 25 749

vote type 1 5 516

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

agreeclassic 19 150

vote type 1 2 112

My name is…

By Unnoticed - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

agreeclassic 4 479

vote type 1 382

My new friend

By *sneeze* - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

agreeclassic 3 519

vote type 1 596

Relaxed

By Craptastic - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

agreeclassic 3 171

vote type 1 833

Whaaaaat?

By erphy21 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 35 432

vote type 1 6 431

Feeling included

By ~~~~ - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

agreeclassic 11 630

vote type 1 6 436

Jorts it is

By pantless - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

agreeclassic 19 838

vote type 1 1 316

I'm awake

By meh beard - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

agreeclassic 21 923

vote type 1 1 645

Richard

By dickface - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

agreeclassic 21 624

vote type 1 1 620

Classy

By Radbaby - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

agreeclassic 3 547

vote type 1 231

Where am I?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

agreeclassic 16 280

vote type 1 5 038

Disapproving

By Disappointment - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

agreeclassic 4 493

vote type 1 2 298

We meet again

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterwards tried to comfort me by saying there'd been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

agreeclassic 63 014

vote type 1 5 190

Fight! Fight!

By LostInSunday - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

agreeclassic 11 557

vote type 1 2 953

Sad sad sad

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

agreeclassic 29 456

vote type 1 8 094

Sweet relief

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

agreeclassic 14 027

vote type 1 1 697

Insane people are everywhere

By haley - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness, as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

agreeclassic 4 010

vote type 1 572

Rock n roll star

By bandfuckup - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my band was playing its first serious gig. I was in the middle of a solo when a drunk guy tackled me, causing me to crash into the drums, breaking them and my guitar, hitting our drummer, knocking him out. FML

agreeclassic 6 466

vote type 1 411

Maths

By lorena_v - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

agreeclassic 2 463

vote type 1 4 224

Lawyer up

By gnofin - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

agreeclassic 20 940

vote type 1 3 180

So brave

By Erbtosis - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

agreeclassic 17 712

vote type 1 1 448

Pros and cons

By GrandTheftArson - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

agreeclassic 21 539

vote type 1 1 633

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

agreeclassic 4 079

vote type 1 758

Good friend

By Lisa - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

agreeclassic 3 431

vote type 1 1 148

Delightful

By Tori - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

agreeclassic 4 824

vote type 1 548

Guess I'm coming out in a Ford Focus

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

agreeclassic 23 063

vote type 1 3 178

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML

agreeclassic 924

vote type 1 136

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

agreeclassic 2 126

vote type 1 761

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless, and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

agreeclassic 38 631

vote type 1 16 493

Today, it’s been 2 years since my highschool ex dumped me after I went to college. Since then, I fell into depression, dropped out, and am now trying to get back on my feet working at Wendy’s. Meanwhile, she’s been having the time of her life, hanging out with bands, and got rich from TikTok. FML

agreeclassic 744

vote type 1 830

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

agreeclassic 5 359

vote type 1 749

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

agreeclassic 34 474

vote type 1 7 766