The Top

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Airtight

By LanaStidolph - 02/12/2017 06:00

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 541

You deserved it 413

By Stressed Seamstress - 16/11/2017 00:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 786

Pussy power

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Spicy

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 176

You deserved it 8 165

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 972

You deserved it 12 001

It's lit.

By Amy - 13/01/2018 08:30 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to a corporate event and lit my hair on fire in front of everyone due to an unfortunately-placed candle on the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 290

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 192

You deserved it 3 974

Double trouble

By Monika - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 078

You deserved it 5 166

I will always be in her thought

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 232

David Attenborough

By types - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he was going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 499

You deserved it 3 744

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 3 237

A step too far

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 503

You deserved it 21 163

By Noname - 25/02/2009 01:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 034

You deserved it 24 467

Don't let the bastards grind you down

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 00:01 - United States

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 195

Stuck in the middle with you

By Carrie - 28/03/2020 02:00

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 287

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 209

Jerk

By GogglesGoggles - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 464

You deserved it 3 733

By Girl - 19/08/2009 00:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 167

You deserved it 5 342

Time for the ER

By littl3storm - 24/04/2020 23:00

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 280

Wasps can **** right off

By Jeff - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 204

You deserved it 42 250

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 747

You deserved it 10 949

By SleepyMommy - 08/05/2016 17:05 - United States - Pomona

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 439

You deserved it 1 074

By arianelagolden - 05/05/2016 18:07 - Belgium - Nivelles

Today, my 4 year-old grand-daughter let her pet rabbit loose in the yard, while my 2 year-old grandson was trying to climb on a chair, then a table. I had to choose between catching the rabbit before it ran under the fence, or saving my grandson from falling on the concrete terrace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 372

You deserved it 1 331

arianelagolden tells us more.

arianelagolden 8

Friday 6 May 2016 17:42

All is well that ends well. Of course I chose to save the kid! Seriously! First I got my grand-son off the table, then I caught the rabbit on time, then I told the kids they could not do what they had done. When the parents returned, they told me this happens all the time. As there is a huge dog in the neighbours' yard, I don't think the rabbit will last long if they are not more careful.

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 3 382

Lock your doors

By jerrid - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 7 825

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 20:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 193

You deserved it 4 697

By Ugly_Broke_Medussssssa - 16/08/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 806

You deserved it 234

Weird kid

By LGraham - 16/06/2020 20:08

Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 336

Dietitian is the recognized title

By fatty mcfatfuck - 24/06/2020 02:02

Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 181

By MSguy - 27/08/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 759

You deserved it 143

Killing in the name of

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 02:00

Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 432

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 370

You deserved it 2 916

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 342

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 025

You deserved it 3 016

Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 105

Today, we had two-year wedding anniversary. A few months ago, I insisted on going to a therapist because my wife can only think and talk about our one-year kid. My present for her was a Spa day, flowers and chocolate. Her gift to me was a Lego set to build for our kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 433

Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 047

You deserved it 8 755