The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Beady eye

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 2 260

Crackers

By buryuntime - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paperwork. Later, she asked me, "What does caucasian mean?" I replied, "Why?" Apparently she didn't recognize the word, so she checked "Other" and wrote in "White". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 970

You deserved it 5 574

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 325

You deserved it 4 530

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 01:51

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 548

You deserved it 918

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 1 812

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 920

Knowledge is power

By andy - 28/01/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 391

You deserved it 2 851

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 302

You deserved it 262

By amythest - 13/02/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 900

You deserved it 3 156

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 130

You deserved it 7 780

By Drewbie - 13/01/2013 08:53 - United States - Park City

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 8 818

Jackson Galaxy wanabee

By oh.geez - 05/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 4 899

By Noname - 16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 062

You deserved it 10 614

Follow the yellow brown road

By cat_lady - 05/04/2020 17:00

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 333

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 235

You deserved it 765

BIKES!

By woxliuke - 05/05/2016 18:44 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 317

You deserved it 1 589

By R2A8 - 18/07/2018 02:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I took off my fake lashes. My fake lashes took off my real lashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 2 410

By compguy - 25/02/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 627

You deserved it 34 942

Traumatic, but funny

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 389

You deserved it 7 845

By Teddy - 26/11/2012 20:54 - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 4 050

By Disney - 18/02/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I found out that to save on expenses, my wife booked a very small hotel room for ourselves and the kids while we visit Disney World. I've been officially cockblocked by Mickey Mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 258

You deserved it 8 486

By Lovenem - 16/02/2011 17:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 382

You deserved it 7 117

By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 488

You deserved it 6 337

By Biological - 11/02/2010 12:22 - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 761

You deserved it 3 497

By Sedici - 18/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 365

You deserved it 2 579

Joker brain

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about superheroes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 720

You deserved it 4 144

Everyone's an expert

By whatever mom - 23/07/2020 14:02

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 172

By toot_toot_turtle - 17/03/2016 03:41 - United States - Monroe

Today, at my brother's baseball practice, two 6 year-old girls wanted a piggy back ride. I get this a lot due to my size, so after telling their mom how good I was with kids, I let one get on my back. I then promptly tripped over a puppy and face planted, resulting in a crying child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 902

You deserved it 2 705

toot_toot_turtle tells us more.

toot_toot_turtle 8

Monday 21 March 2016 3:47

I forgot to add that both the kid and puppy are fine. My pride? I will never be able to go to my brothers baseball games again. D:

Post-it time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 18:00

Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 205

By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 333

You deserved it 3 855

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 396

You deserved it 31 247

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 235

Today, I was told I looked “too timid.” I was feeling extremely confident having aced a test, but I didn’t look like it. I’ve practiced carrying myself more confidently for hours every single day in front of a mirror, to no avail. I guess body language just isn’t my thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 155

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 745

You deserved it 646

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 10 926

Today, after losing my job and being quarantined alone, I realized I've gained quite a bit of weight due to depression. I decided to do something about it and walk around my neighborhood. A group of teens followed me laughing and hurling insults until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 233