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Blast from the past

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I twisted my left ankle while walking back home because there was a hole that I couldn't see, because grass covered it up like a pitfall trap. Did I mention 25 years earlier I twisted my right ankle (twice)? I just hurt my only fully functioning foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 95

Mom?

By Anonymous - 20/07/2025 14:00 - United States - Eastpointe

Today, I texted a friend who I met some years ago. I had been asking her for months when she wanted to get together. Each time she said how she was basically too busy. Today was different, she said she was glad for the friendship but her daughter is busier now with new things, and doesn't want to get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 129

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 20:00 - Namibia

Today, I found my girlfriend in bed with her gym trainer. They said they were doing cardio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 73

Some girls are bigger than others

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend is pissed at me and crying that I bodyshamed her. She wants to do that cutesy shit of wearing my clothes and hoodies but she outweighs me by more than 50lbs. I’ve offered to buy her hoodies and spray my cologne on them for her, but I guess that’s not good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 124

Why would you even have that?

By Ellis - 06/09/2025 14:00 - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was on FB Messenger talking to one of my friends who is a pastor about getting together playing golf and I meant to send him an emoji in our conversation, but accidentally sent an emoji sticker of my wife and me doing doggystyle. I quickly deleted it on my side, but it was still visible on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 437

Bitter

By Whoops - 12/09/2025 00:00

Today, I gave my kid a cough drop for his sore throat. He complained about the flavor, but I told him to hush and take the medicine. Later, I had one and was shocked at how bitter and medicinal it tasted. I owe him an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 373

Suspicious minds

By Embarrassed boss - 17/09/2025 09:00

Today, I saw one of my employees sipping from a beer bottle at work. I marched to his desk, snatched the bottle, and said, "Drinking on the job? You're fired. Get out." I then looked at the bottle. It was kombucha. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 769

Cousin Ricky

By How about "no"? - 20/10/2025 03:00

Today, my mom cussed at me because I denied my struggling cousin a job at my company, and now it's my fault he and his family will suffer and starve. He was fired from his former job as a payroll officer, and is now blacklisted. Over 30 people got zero on payday, as he later went Living La Vida Loca with his "bonus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 57

CREEPY!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 22:00

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 81

Pile up

By Fitz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 569

You deserved it 6 254

Big baby

By Grow the fuck up, boy! - 29/10/2025 00:00

Today, I told my 15 year-old son that I was taking my wife to a fancy restaurant for her birthday, so he would be on his own tonight. Most teenagers would play video games, watch porn, and sneak a beer, which I would be okay with. He started crying and asked why he was "left out", then clung to my wife's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 182

WAP

By Frustrated - 30/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband bought me a remote-controlled vibrator, put it in my underwear, and spent the entirety of our date night making it vibrate. I was soaking wet and ready to get fucked. Too bad he drank two bottles of wine during the date and fell asleep the second we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 92

The great escape

By Ethan - 13/11/2025 22:00

Today, I decided to start jogging again for the first time in months. I made it one block before tripping over the curb. I fell so hard, my phone flew out of my pocket and hit a parked car, setting off its alarm. I ran off when I saw house curtains all around me start to twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 124

Movie night

By Boo! - 14/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to sneak a burrito into a movie theater by hiding it in my jacket. Halfway through the trailers, the foil popped loudly, and the burrito slid out and rolled down the sloped aisle like a tiny log. The theater lights were still on, people turned to watch, so I pretended it wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 508

Tight fit

By Paul - 21/12/2025 03:00

Today, I'm having a difficult time in the bedroom. I'm 59 and the 40 year-old hot blonde I'm seeing is so tight, she squeezes me out almost every time she "gets hers." It sucks having to practically start over countless times before I can finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 181

Nothing to see here, move along

By Anonymous - 22/12/2025 22:00

Today, I rushed to work after spilling coffee on my shirt and thought I’d dried it enough. Under the office lights, it looked like a giant brown stain. Three people asked if I was OK. I spent the whole day hunched over my desk pretending nothing was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 90

Let me be

By Dying - 30/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after spending two days pampering my sick fiancee and her sick son, they were finally feeling better. I woke up feeling rotten and said I needed to rest. She said, "Okay, but I want to deep clean today. Let's go! Out of bed! Up up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 91

Hope you have one of those too

By Joe - 02/01/2025 15:00 - Honduras - San Pedro Sula

Today, I posted a Happy New Year status for all my Latino friends and family. Well, I missed that año is different from ano, and I used the wrong letter and thus wished everyone a "Happy New Anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 476

Unstable

By Lala - 22/01/2025 04:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 65

You've pulled

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 395

Bad date

By I hate chuds - 12/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was hit up to "Netflix and chill" by a guy I hang out with, so I dressed up real nice and went over. Unfortunately, the "Netflix" was actually watching Joe Rogan, and the "chill" was smiling politely whenever he would say, "He's right, you know?" and figuring out how and when to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 155

Demotion

By Demoted - 25/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I realized my (soon to be ex) boyfriend has been preemptively sending me his Snaps as regular chat photos/videos on Snapchat so our interaction could go down. This way, he can have the girl he’s been cheating on me with become his #1 best friend, thus demoting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 107

Irritation

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have family over and even though they can see I'm stepping away to go take a shower, instead of interacting with my child who they supposedly love, they ignore her to the point where she comes crying to the bathroom door. So now I gotta move quicker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 194

Craving it

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 120

Trust

By No, I've never cheated - 20/03/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 131

Plumbed out

By Jeff101 - 25/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I tried to fix a leaking pipe under the sink. I watched a YouTube tutorial and was feeling confident that I could get the job done. Two hours later, half of the kitchen was practically flooded because I forgot to cut the water off, and scrambled to actually find the main valve, then I had to call an emergency plumber, who showed up, laughed, and fixed it in five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 581

Screwed

By lukey101 - 29/03/2025 19:00 - Australia

Today, an arm fell off my only glasses. Problem is I can’t fix it, since I can barely see without actually wearing them. Tomorrow, I’ll be getting around with one-armed glasses until I find someone who isn’t half blind and can tighten a tiny screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 87

It's the new fad

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 177

Speech! Speech!

By Olivia - 03/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 484

Naked truth

By Gerry0 - 05/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 416

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was playing Pokémon Go and I was trying to take a picture of my Pokémon when a woman said, "Are you filming me?" really angrily at me. "No, I'm playing Pokémon go," I said, then tried to show her my Pokémon but it disappeared from the screen, and she said, "You ARE filming me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 279

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 580

You deserved it 2 938

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 420

You deserved it 2 644

Today, while I was working at a call center, a customer was pranking me using an obviously fake Asian accent. He kept saying his name was “Phuck Mi”, his phone number was 666-3629 (as in "Sex sex sex free sex tonight") and making moaning noises and sexual phrases. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 137

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 544

You deserved it 1 907

Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 149