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Rude awakening

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

agreeclassic 23 199

vote type 1 1 732

Good job

By whatnow - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

agreeclassic 7 950

vote type 1 34 716

Feeling faint

By thatguy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

agreeclassic 33 582

vote type 1 9 330

Wedding fatigue

By takeiteasy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

agreeclassic 9 803

vote type 1 34 974

Best seat in the house

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

agreeclassic 28 691

vote type 1 1 947

Freaky family

By tkoester - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

agreeclassic 26 389

vote type 1 1 635

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

agreeclassic 37 065

vote type 1 3 168

Dude, where's my car?

By Bunsostriker - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

agreeclassic 31 988

vote type 1 2 172

The signs were there

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

agreeclassic 35 199

vote type 1 7 281

Put those away

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

agreeclassic 27 062

vote type 1 1 906

Red flag

By anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

agreeclassic 34 660

vote type 1 4 063

Bathtime

By LemmyIsWet - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

agreeclassic 13 961

vote type 1 27 939

Snoopy

By poorbeauty - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

agreeclassic 13 724

vote type 1 2 910

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

agreeclassic 23 647

vote type 1 1 711

Whoops

By mmv - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

agreeclassic 41 541

vote type 1 2 209

Naughty boy

By Stoopiddogbot - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

agreeclassic 30 100

vote type 1 4 509

Wrongful

By beat10 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

agreeclassic 65 043

vote type 1 4 237

Yeetus

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

agreeclassic 35 851

vote type 1 15 619

Karma

By fullmoonfml - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

agreeclassic 6 213

vote type 1 58 456

Way to beat the "weird dad" allegations

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

agreeclassic 35 291

vote type 1 3 300

It's coming!

By badmom - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

agreeclassic 22 472

vote type 1 4 914

My little friends

By Annonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

agreeclassic 26 801

vote type 1 2 025

Let's go girls

By skid - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

agreeclassic 30 353

vote type 1 3 201

Something

By Kidsthesedays - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something?" I asked. I was not expecting the answer, "A period mural." FML

agreeclassic 25 208

vote type 1 3 352

Kinda cruel

By Anon E. Mouse - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

agreeclassic 28 463

vote type 1 2 314

Brother in law enforcement

By Sunshinenwhiskey - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

agreeclassic 14 189

vote type 1 1 053

Lawyer up

By gnofin - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

agreeclassic 20 940

vote type 1 3 180

He bangs the drums

By PhilDavisDied? - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

agreeclassic 11 266

vote type 1 35 478

Transactional

By Firewielder - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Midland

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

agreeclassic 33 331

vote type 1 3 115

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

agreeclassic 25 634

vote type 1 12 961

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

agreeclassic 42 194

vote type 1 4 173

Today, I boarded my very first cruise, in order to relax and unwind for week-long vacation. However, when I got on the ship, I found out that I get seasick REALLY easily. FML

agreeclassic 805

vote type 1 162

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

agreeclassic 22 385

vote type 1 2 208

Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML

agreeclassic 394

vote type 1 119

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

agreeclassic 57 479

vote type 1 3 274

Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML

agreeclassic 32 999

vote type 1 2 434