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By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 11:37 - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 839

You deserved it 13 795

It's a wrap

By birdiebeth13 - 10/04/2013 17:41 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 590

You deserved it 18 569

By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 390

You deserved it 3 063

By juliasaman - 03/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 820

You deserved it 2 629

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 414

You deserved it 3 068

By shabowbow - 27/03/2014 18:14 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 826

You deserved it 3 718

shabowbow tells us more.

shabowbow 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 23:15

Thankfully I wasn't stung, and I do appreciate on the long run them hitting me with a textbook. It could've been a lot worse than a headache.

By DanniRae - 13/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 337

You deserved it 70 747

Healthcare scandal

By itsjustnotfair - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had two cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 987

You deserved it 2 644

By Catscratch - 01/09/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 500

You deserved it 3 268

By Birthday girl - 06/01/2013 05:59 - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 296

You deserved it 2 403

Sick

By spastic hardon - 12/12/2013 21:01 - Australia - Templestowe

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 081

You deserved it 5 373

By hackling fellow - 10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 947

You deserved it 4 176

By Anonymous - 22/03/2015 14:59 - United States

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 948

You deserved it 4 166

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:08 - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 221

You deserved it 3 891

By Username - 13/02/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 744

You deserved it 3 729

By Scaredshitless - 03/02/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 3 741

By Sam - 03/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 9 637

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 889

You deserved it 3 299

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 008

You deserved it 6 019

By hatty - 23/09/2011 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 6 178

By PulledOver - 01/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 978

You deserved it 54 844

By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 3 009

By Anonymous - 23/08/2014 17:51 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 8 412

By thenewgirlfriend - 26/05/2013 14:15 - United States - League City

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 661

You deserved it 8 068

Cats rule

By Respect101 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 867

You deserved it 27 913

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 154

You deserved it 4 964

By Gibbster_ - 20/06/2014 05:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 841

You deserved it 8 965

By PuppyPeeTimee. - 17/09/2010 06:30 - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 677

You deserved it 3 520

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 01:59 - United States - South Salem

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 092

You deserved it 9 597

By Username - 04/09/2010 13:24 - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 178

You deserved it 3 293

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The Top

Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 3 395

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 118

You deserved it 1 791

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 909

You deserved it 42 518

Today, I live in a world where I work 50 hours a week, and yet after paying all necessary bills, eating one meal a day, and only drinking water from the tap, I am £130 pounds poorer than last week, all because I had to use my credit card and increase my debt to buy petrol and pay the gas bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 151

Today, my friend is upset with me since I never want to hang out at her house or eat her food. The problem is she has multiple dog beds in her kitchen and a cat litter box under her dining room table. I love her and invite her to hang out other places, but she’s still offended I won’t go to her’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 156

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 316

You deserved it 550