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By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 562

You deserved it 3 086

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 759

You deserved it 18 665

By brokeass - 13/06/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 237

You deserved it 1 980

By Anon - 18/08/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 3 062

By sad - 30/03/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said, "Good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was, "Just wank it off and move on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 3 030

By Tommy - 06/03/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 782

You deserved it 23 385

By Worried - 16/04/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 7 139

By wtf - 01/05/2015 22:57 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 3 212

By burntloyalty - 26/03/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 230

Small mistake

By lorahayes - 05/01/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 954

You deserved it 10 311

By snarly1 - 03/01/2012 08:14 - United States

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 879

You deserved it 2 507

By U_U - 20/10/2013 19:20 - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 164

You deserved it 5 152

By Anonymous - 26/09/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 785

You deserved it 3 613

Used

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation, and she'd asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldn't get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 052

You deserved it 3 241

By WaltTheFuckDad - 01/09/2013 23:06 - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 403

You deserved it 3 610

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 3 098

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 23:15 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 776

You deserved it 1 982

Terms of service

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 668

You deserved it 1 703

By VCR - 20/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 3 741

By chicagobulls102 - 10/09/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 792

You deserved it 2 807

By authorx - 27/06/2013 04:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 384

You deserved it 50 579

By shadyladyhh - 09/09/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 498

You deserved it 3 302

shadyladyhh tells us more.

shadyladyhh 11

Wednesday 10 September 2014 0:55

Then the mom bought him another one 15 minutes later. Sugar free ones cost a little more, so she was mad about that too.

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 804

You deserved it 6 478

Not cool

By no I've never asked for anal - 20/09/2015 13:44 - United States - Buffalo

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 141

You deserved it 3 808

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 273

You deserved it 4 812

Cough up

By xerrika - 03/06/2014 11:56 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 783

You deserved it 8 953

Pleased to meet you

By Holls - 12/04/2012 13:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 910

You deserved it 14 203

Do your own research

By ScienceFail - 25/07/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 15 960

Mind games

By LittleRed - 05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 121

You deserved it 4 283

By FUUUUCK - 11/02/2014 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 464

You deserved it 26 098

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The Top

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 169

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 563

You deserved it 4 614

Today, my teacher yelled at me for using my phone in class. I apologized out loud, knowing that it would help me get off easier. She was yelling at somebody else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 2 136

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 982

You deserved it 64 363

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 658

You deserved it 2 532

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 870

You deserved it 16 280