The Top

Yeah, I live in a town with 4 colleges in it and nearby, so it's very difficult to find a job. I've applied literally EVERYWHERE that I could even remotely be considered for, and this was the only option I had, so I took it, and I'm very grateful for it! Even if people tend to act like idiots towards me

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 672

You deserved it 47 051

With friends like these…

By Katie - 13/12/2012 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 398

You deserved it 2 635

By No thank you - 04/02/2015 20:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 810

You deserved it 6 303

By Behemoth2 - 14/12/2008 05:15 - France

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 385

You deserved it 68 479

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking in the house. When I was done, I stomped it out. I wasn't wearing shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 66 214

By pinkfreak94 - 13/10/2012 13:38 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 782

You deserved it 2 719

By DreamStatic - 29/07/2013 02:16 - United States - Hinesville

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 728

You deserved it 3 186

DreamStatic tells us more.

DreamStatic 8

Monday 29 July 2013 17:31

Forgive me FML, for I have sinned.

By SquishFish - 17/08/2012 04:08 - United States - Westport

Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 7 680

SquishFish tells us more.

SquishFish 15

Friday 17 August 2012 16:37

Haha I'm OP. Well our door is solid so i couldn't see him. He was supposed to be there soon, so naturally I thought it was him. The mailman looked flustered for a moment (he was an awesome old guy) and then he smiled saying "Wow someone is excited about getting the mail!"

Disorderly conduct

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 812

You deserved it 12 476

By rkbkate - 11/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Phenix City

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 2 880

rkbkate tells us more.

rkbkate 6

Wednesday 11 July 2012 18:22

This was my post thanks for all the comments guys Haha my brother has a rude awakening coming soon Haha and he is no longer able to touch my keys.

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 717

You deserved it 5 903

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 702

You deserved it 6 404

By Uknowwh - 04/11/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 323

You deserved it 4 139

By Giulii - 02/09/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I have a picture on facebook in which I'm touching the crotch of a cardboard cut-out of Obama. My parents insist the FBI will see that and I'll end up in jail. My parents are crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 063

You deserved it 16 477

Giulii tells us more.

Giulii 0

Thursday 2 September 2010 13:41

I'm the OP. I have a teacher that definitely HATES Obama because she's more than sure that he's a muslim (ignorant, much?) and that's why me and my friends took the picture in the first place. Btw I'm sixteen and a girl, I know it was something dumb to do, but still my parents had no right to ground me based on how I 'misuse Facebook' .-.

By hAHAha Halo - 02/08/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 870

You deserved it 5 153