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By Username - 22/11/2010 22:39

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 452

You deserved it 4 376

By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 244

You deserved it 47 550

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 825

You deserved it 7 181

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 646

You deserved it 58 292

Professor Awkward

By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 592

You deserved it 5 196

By S. Bauer - 02/11/2011 13:50 - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 571

You deserved it 14 924

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 384

You deserved it 2 587

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 173

You deserved it 2 674

By happybirthday - 26/09/2011 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 635

You deserved it 2 870

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 840

You deserved it 5 475

Tu peux mieux faire, ma fille

By frenchgirlll - 27/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 935

You deserved it 12 761

Great story, tell it again!

By BrianTheLion89 - 06/06/2012 21:37 - United States

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 3 761

By looking - 25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 422

You deserved it 17 651

A step too far

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 503

You deserved it 21 163

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 690

You deserved it 3 346

By Facepalmum - 10/01/2013 06:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 602

You deserved it 7 944

By emilyhendrix0414 - 28/09/2012 10:53 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 398

You deserved it 6 598

Doggy dog world

By badwolf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 048

You deserved it 4 286

By jc2011 - 25/09/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 302

You deserved it 3 053

By preggo - 04/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 4 204

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 581

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 23/06/2011 00:36 - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 046

You deserved it 7 828

By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 433

You deserved it 5 723

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 02:55 - Canada

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 823

You deserved it 9 716

#Childfree

By ChildFree - 20/04/2015 23:55 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 381

You deserved it 4 248

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 840

You deserved it 2 641

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 732

You deserved it 13 843

By tiredofbullshit - 08/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Littleton

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 1 670

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 079

You deserved it 3 654

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The Top

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 782

You deserved it 5 808

Today, I realized my success rates for sex in my committed relationship were really, really low, so I've decided to stop trying for a while. I also recently have learned Excel. I made a pretty complex tracker if I ever decide to try again to monitor failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 200

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 4 044

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says, "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 2 760

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 269

You deserved it 3 714

Today, I confronted my boyfriend that I found his “hidden” Tinder profile and his horny messages between him and other girls. His response? “Babe, that was a month ago.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 140