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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12301) - you deserved it (19210)
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32160) - you deserved it (3005)
On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38603) - you deserved it (4140)
On 07/21/2010 at 4:31pm - love - by highlandgirl10 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49584) - you deserved it (2137)
On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25951) - you deserved it (2654)
On 09/30/2009 at 1:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8468) - you deserved it (30166)
On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49640) - you deserved it (2613)
On 09/20/2009 at 9:21am - love - by dreamdude (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (5341)
On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (56899)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41538) - you deserved it (3640)
On 06/18/2009 at 3:40pm - love - by Ann (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (77188) - you deserved it (14562)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41196) - you deserved it (115418)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57676) - you deserved it (6420)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (122962) - you deserved it (19411)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67974) - you deserved it (3649)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
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